I don’t care that it looks like a ten-plus year-old blog, something out of 2013. I like it. It’s not 100% done, but it’s good enough. I spent most of the day redesigning the whole thing today.
And best off, I’ve kept myself occupied today. Abby is doing okay, but not stellar. She should probably go back to the vet and I am afraid of what they are going to say, even if she was really, really happy to see us when we got home yesterday. My dear friend of a decade passed yesterday. We made it home from Austin, and we’re back to real life. I did a load of laundry– sort of. I only cried a little today.
It is Friday night, which means Oliver and Jared in the pressbox and Carrollton football. Fall routines are grounding right now.
And yes, the blog looks like something out of about a decade ago, except not. And just for another day, I’ve got a screenshot that keeps my recently gone friend’s gorgeous Japanese tulip tree photo at the top of my blog for yet another day.
But, I kept myself busy today. I didn’t spend any money, I didn’t buy any themes, and I occupied my time.
It is difficult to figure out this season of life. It feels slightly odd: I know we have been the grownups for a long time.
But all of a sudden, mid-life feels like we’re the grownups and there’s no one else.
And my parents are fine. They’re independent and mostly loving life and I am definitely still an only child, with all that entails. Despite having children of my own, I am still very much a baby of my family.
But, something is shifting. With pets we’ve had over a decade, and a friend we’ve had for a decade, going, it feels like a new season is upon me, without warning. I should be more prepared at my age for life changes like this.
I knew life would be different this school year. Both Porter and Liam are gone to college, both thriving in their own ways. My main responsibilities for Oliver are to make sure he eats, make sure he gets some sleep, and make sure he brushes his teeth, make sure he takes his medicines. Jared mostly makes sure he is doing his schoolwork.
No one warned me that the entire landscape of life would shift, like sands beneath my feet, all at the same time. I was not ready. At all. My coping techniques are helping by a thin margin. This blog is one of those coping mechanisms.
I turn 47 years old next week. 47 sounds old. It’s not even early 40’s anymore.
Maybe my midlife crisis is hitting late. I don’t know. I mean, at least it seems that the worst I’ve done is downgrade from a photography business and sell off half my gear– which I am not missing so far, by the way.
But if life would just slow down, I’d appreciate it. Just a little. Please let me just get a breath.
I came to Austin intending a writer’s retreat while Jared did his Jared things.
And I got some things done to this end.
I think Austin was as much about me getting away from what’s hard, as anything else.
Abby is still not doing super well. I personally think the end is near.
We received terrible news about another dear friend today, someone we’ve been close to for a decade.
I’m still recovering from losing Trixie, truthfully.
And, home life is different because Porter and Liam are off at college now.
I think I really came to Austin just for the change of scenery and to have a minute to breathe.
Tonight’s adventure sees backroads to Vidalia, Louisana.
I have actually been to Vidalia, Louisiana before. I have even been through one of their drive through liquor stores, which served open container drinks, actually.
I remember a gorgeous view of the bridge between Vidalia and Natchez, Mississippi, over the Mississippi River.
So, we are staying in Vidalia tonight and I hope to get a photo of that bridge in the morning.
Then it will be backroads of Mississippi up to Laurel to I-59 before returning to being a grownup, to come face what we will find at home.
I’m not overly religious, but I do think God looks out for us sometimes. In this case, I think this is one of those times, for me. I needed to get away to think.
Abby is stable, but I do not think she has very long, truthfully.
And I spoke to my dear friend of over a decade for the last time yesterday.
Nobody ever said adventure is without heartache. I think that is part of the point.
It’s just like Jared Price to turn down an offered free flight in exchange for an extra night in a hotel just so I can tag along for a drive. Forget that said drive was fourteen hours long.
The twenty-four-hour drive from Carrollton, GA to North Platte, NE is pushing it for us. Fourteen hours is nothing.
Well, it used to be nothing. Now, it does take a minute to think about.
And so, Jared is off doing Jared things and I am in a nice, roomy, eighth floor hotel room in Austin, Texas.
I used to think about old-fashioned matchmakers, or people who met their spouses after being matched on their wedding day or shortly thereafter, and think, “I could never do that.”
And while I didn’t– Jared and I met on Lavalife in 2003– but Jared had been on dating websites for about three years and he had a specific set of search criteria on several sites that I fell into about two weeks after I created my own profile.
Early 2000’s dating websites sort of felt like their own versions of matchmakers, though, with their mysterious algorithms.
Jared seduced me on the phone in 2003, before we’d met in person, with talk of his time in Israel from the 1990s. He talked about visiting friends in Canada. He lived in Grinnell, Iowa, and he, with less than a week’s notice, made plans to come see me.
And so, I knew: getting involved with Jared would mean adventure.
In the early days, adventure meant picking him up at the airport in Atlanta after he’d hopped a 5 AM flight from Moline, Illinois on AirTran to Atlanta, to spend the weekend with me.
Sometimes those visits ended us up in St. Simons for the visit.
Or it was me traveling: a late Thursday night flight to Moline or Des Moines or Omaha, depending on whether we were staying at Jared’s house in Grinnell or headed to some family gathering with his family in Nebraska.
I’ve seen more of the United States because of knowing Jared Price than I ever thought possible before I met him in 2003.
Jared appealed to me because of my perhaps naive ideas of adventure. I married him because I knew he’d be a stellar daddy: the only one of the men I dated I knew without any shred of doubt would be a good father.
Marry the one who would be a good parent even if you never plan to have kids. It’s about emotional intelligence, trust and stability, and unselfishness and resilience, not strictly about raising a family.
Adventure doesn’t hurt. Chemistry gets deeper as time goes on. Trust is far more important than superficial chemistry, at first. I met Jared online and I knew I could trust him before I met him in person. I was right.
In fact, I’d go farther to argue that initial sparks are built over time, not found magically on day one.
I’m pretty sure it’s not the norm for people to marry their spouse because of their parenting potential. Most people marry because of chemistry or because of proximity or because of any number of reasons unrelated to parenting. But I knew if he could be a good father, he’d be a good spouse, too.
And, I was right about that, too.
For much of the past eighteen years, our adventures have looked a little different: drives around the back roads of Carroll County, GA, or sometimes up through Haralson or down through Heard Counties. Or, in more recent years, a jaunt into Atlanta just because. Kids keep you close to home.
The kids need us less these days though. And having reason to go to Grinnell, Iowa twice in two months, along with Austin, Texas now, reminds me:
The adventure never stopped.
And, if I am completely honest: raising three boys that are exact mixes of both me and Jared in their own wildly unique ways, that has been an adventure, too.
We’re in an interesting season of marriage, now. In some ways, and not just because of the recent travel, it feels like we are dating all over again.
Some people get the kids raised and realize they stayed together because of the kids.
We’re finding that the old us that fell in love in 2003 is still there: the us to hop in the car and go wherever; the us that holds hands walking down the street.
The us that frankly, doesn’t have to say much out loud to say what has to be said. Even if I am chatty a lot of the time.
On our 20th anniversary trip to St. Simons, we came up on some sorority girls on Spring Break one of which snapped a candid photo of us they wanted to share. While we were exchanging contact information another girl asked what advice we would give after 20 years of marriage and I said, “Go to bed mad.”
She kind of laughed and looked surprised at that statement, but I stand by it. I would go back to add the “marry someone who will be a good parent bit,” but oh well. It’s true: Go to bed mad and you’re much more likely to actually get some sleep when you need it.
I’ve officially known of Jared Price for twenty-three years. Almost half my lifetime. A week and four days from now is the twenty-third anniversary of the day I picked him up at the Atlanta airport for the first time. I can still see him coming up the escalator, beyond the barrier.
Our very meeting in person was an adventure in itself, come to think of it.
So, this week it is Austin. In two weeks, it will be Grinnell again. Who knows yet about the holidays; there are several options.
So. In my case, I married the man who offered adventure and a solid, steady partnership.
And it is 100% okay that sometimes these days, adventure means grabbing a spoon from the kitchen and heading off to Ingles to pick up a pint of ice cream apiece and sitting in the Ingles parking lot, people-watching. Or, heading off to Aldi for some chocolate, to do the same thing.
So, I did the responsible thing. I am now a single-camera photographer, and I now only have the lenses I will actually use, and we can fill out our budget for the month and pay off some debt while we’re at it.
And that also means I am solidly out of the event photography space.
I tried to buy myself an identity as a professional photographer, before I eventually circled around to the vocation I originally wanted to begin with: blogging.
It took me 18 months or so of back-and-forth to finally wrangle myself out of professional photography. I was low-key kidding myself that the idea of photographing weddings or events with the X-S20, even two of them, was a good idea, anyway.
And I went back and forth with myself over selling the second body and the two telephoto lenses for a good long while. Even after I was ready to sell them last week, Jared made me sit on the thought for a full extra week.
It’s not a great thing when the buyer at KEH knows who you are by name, as he did me yesterday.
The gear churning thing has been going on in my case for 13 years. That’s a lot of gear turnover. It was a lot of trying to figure out exactly what style of photography I am interested in; a lot of feeling like I needed to “keep up with the Joneses” of the photography world to prove myself and fit in in ways that never quite happened; a lot of trying to force myself into roles and spaces that aren’t really for me. A lot of wasted money.
A lot of wasted money over 13 years.
And admittedly: the camera technology changes within that 13-year period have been head-spinning. When I started trying to justify camera purchases back in 2012 or so, other local photographers I knew looked down on me because I gravitated toward mirrorless cameras. I definitely felt less-than on more occasions than I can count even though I loved my gear.
It’s still pretty funny to me that, when I was gravitating toward mirrorless immediately upon getting into photography in 2011, the rest of the photography world is finally into it, too and DSLR’s are mostly ancient technology now.
I did learn a lot the hard way, and I’m trying to be smarter now.
I kept a single X-S20 body, the XF 16-55mm f2.8 II, the Viltrox Pro 27mm f1.2, and the XF 50mm f1 lenses. I still have at least 4 Minolta vintage lenses and 2 Cinelux projection lenses too, including the yummy 85mm. I still have my Godox V1F flash.
And I just decided I don’t need longer lenses. I don’t enjoy wildlife photography; I’m not physically in the shape to do events anymore. Documentary photography was my first passion and if I’d trusted myself way back in 2012, that’s all I ever would have stuck with to begin with. I can photograph the ducks with the 50mm f1. The 16-55mm f2.8 II has been a more-than-adequate replacement not only for the 16-50mm f2.8-4.8 it replaced, but also it reminds me just enough of my old GF 45-100mm f4 but with the bonus of closer focusing that finally, I do not regret the downgrade back to X Series from GFX. And the Viltrox 27mm f1.2 and XF 50mm f1 definitely make up for the medium format bokeh I lost.
Live and learn. I’ve done plenty of that. Jared says none of it was wasted; I learned my tools and photography while I was at it. The expensive way, but I did learn my tools. He’s not wrong there.
Jared is way kinder than I deserve. There was actually gracious plenty of embarrassing waste.
As a blogger now, I do not need every focal length in the world to tell my stories. I need the right tools. And I’ve got pretty stellar ones.
And as for the remaining X-S20: We are making our peace. I’m getting used to the lightness of the X-S20 and the 26mp sensor, and I even finally figured out how to not hate the ISO button on top. I have a silicone skin on my X-S20 so it doesn’t feel so plasticky, which is the worst of the problems from downgrading from the flagship Fuji bodies.
I do not need flagship camera bodies moving forward. I just don’t. I didn’t need them to begin with. I don’t spend time out in the elements; I won’t be doing event photography. Camera technology and the variety of cameras available now in 2026 means that it doesn’t require the flagship camera to have even the latest technology in ways that were required a decade ago. Thank goodness. The X-S20 is even fine for video. The X-S line will be super-sufficient moving forward.
It’s not quite true that I am a single-camera photographer, either: I still have the Minolta X-E5 that my parents gave me, that they bought to take pictures of me when I was born. And the Yashica Mat-124G that I found on shopgoodwill.com in 2018 or so. And I have a variety of point and shoots that belonged to my grandfather in the 1980s probably, and I still have, in working order, his Ansco Shur-Flash from the 1960s.
The film cameras might come out more often now, actually, now that I am more interested in photography for personal purposes.
Trying to be a grown-up about a lot of things these days. It only took nearly 47 years. Too long, but got to start somewhere.
I frequently feel like turning our lives upside down.
Recently this has looked like house hunting. Forget the fact that our house is not in show-ready condition. Forget that we’d need to do a lot to it that we want to do anyway, to get it in show-ready condition.
Forget the fact that if it were in show-ready condition, I probably wouldn’t want to move anyway.
House hunting is my sign that I need to work on my house.
So, someone is coming Sunday or Monday to give me a quote on the major landscaping we want to have done.
I have texted our tree guy about the couple of trees we want to have taken out and the several that need trimming back, and he’s coming soon to see what needs to be done.
I am likely to tackle the painting of our house inside myself, and am on the active hunt for someone to paint the exterior, including the chimney. I want to go dark, like a charcoal or deep cocoa, to match the existing shutters, instead of the current cream color our trim is. While we do exterior painting, I want to replace gutters to match.
The Everlife XL Cyrus Fauna LVP we had installed throughout the house is still in production, so I want to have the tile in the kitchen and laundry room and powder room replaced with that, to match the rest of the existing flooring. I’m actually thinking to keep the bathroom tile; it is super cute and cannot be replaced and in much better shape than the tile and grout in the kitchen and laundry rooms.
I’d like to have beadboard on the laundry room walls, to cover the existing wallpaper. The wallpaper itself has grown on me quite a lot but there are spots that have had to be cut up or whatever over the years, prior to us moving in, that cannot be repaired. The powder room wallpaper is staying forever.
It’s time to replace the combo microwave and oven wall unit that died circa 2022 (complete with Oliver’s chicken nuggets still in it, unable to retrieve– gross, I know) replaced. We’ve investigated that project before and it’s going to require woodworking magic because newer units do not come in the dimensions our older unit is. I have no idea how that will get accomplished and salvage our current cabinetry footprint.
It’s time to give the deck and the outdoor furniture we never sit in a complete overhaul.
It’s time to clean up the garage so we don’t track yard stuff in all the time into the laundry room.
My house is nearly an empty nest, and it doesn’t actually require a downsize in our case. We have one of the golden 2.875% interest rates. The house itself is solid. I feel safe here. We live in a nice neighborhood.
But, my brain goes searching for drama because it refuses to accept that maybe I’m safe; maybe things are actually going well in my life; maybe I can relax and be creative and just enjoy life.
I’m considering re-claiming Porter’s room as an office, to tear down the faux wall/ bookshelf that our friend built us when we moved in, in 2021 ,so that Porter could have a room. We’d need to leave a day bed or something in there, but the wall could come down and we could redecorate. The house was sold as a 3-bedroom with an office and if we are staying here long-term, it would be lovely as just that.
I think the windows throughout the house are actually fine, but the double doors in the living room need to be replaced.
The house is long enough that it really needs a second AC unit altogether, for the boys’ end of the house.
We need to see about the drainage around the house eventually. We had a French drain and sump pump installed under the house in 2024 and that is helping, but the exterior drains that were here prior to our purchasing the house are all clogged and probably need replacing eventually. That is not a today or even this decade project probably. But it’s on the list.
We need to have driveway work done around the entire house, including something to prevent water from pooling in the center of the back driveway such that I do believe it is seeping into the ground causing moisture problems to the foundation on that side of the house. The front driveway needs to be repaired from sink holes and the front walkway probably needs to be entirely redone because of tree root or other moisture issues, not sure which.
So today, I am plotting major projects that are constructive, instead of plotting ways to throw our equity down the drain. When we bought this house in November of 2021– a house that I picked out– I swore up and down this was going to be the home we died in, that we lived forever in. And by 2023 or so I was ready to throw all that away to move to Atlanta. Now I am circling back to the idea of staying, even as our children move out and onto bigger things in their own lives: this is a phenomenal footprint, ready for aging in place, two families already did that. And if I did all the work that needs to be done, then I wouldn’t even want to move anyway.
Most of them won’t get done right away, though I am serious about the landscaping issues because I am tired of it looking like we live in a jungle in the middle of a nice neighborhood.
But I can certainly dream, and I’ve got plenty to do regardless in the meantime.
And just about the time we get all that done, I won’t want move at all ever, ever. And maybe it won’t all ever get done. But anything we do will be better than the alternative of just running away from it all.
After all, this is my dream house. I haven’t seen any house that I’ve liked any better, it’s a great size, it’s great for entertaining even if we do it infrequently. And that 2.875% interest rate is irreplaceable.
Hi there– I write daily about midlife, parenting, photography, long marriage, mental health, and everyday adventures.
Two-thirds of my kiddos are off at college, and I am figuring out life by processing out loud.
