I don’t care that it looks like a ten-plus year-old blog, something out of 2013. I like it. It’s not 100% done, but it’s good enough. I spent most of the day redesigning the whole thing today.

And best off, I’ve kept myself occupied today. Abby is doing okay, but not stellar. She should probably go back to the vet and I am afraid of what they are going to say, even if she was really, really happy to see us when we got home yesterday. My dear friend of a decade passed yesterday. We made it home from Austin, and we’re back to real life. I did a load of laundry– sort of. I only cried a little today.

It is Friday night, which means Oliver and Jared in the pressbox and Carrollton football. Fall routines are grounding right now.

And yes, the blog looks like something out of about a decade ago, except not. And just for another day, I’ve got a screenshot that keeps my recently gone friend’s gorgeous Japanese tulip tree photo at the top of my blog for yet another day.

But, I kept myself busy today. I didn’t spend any money, I didn’t buy any themes, and I occupied my time.

It is difficult to figure out this season of life. It feels slightly odd: I know we have been the grownups for a long time.

But all of a sudden, mid-life feels like we’re the grownups and there’s no one else.

And my parents are fine. They’re independent and mostly loving life and I am definitely still an only child, with all that entails. Despite having children of my own, I am still very much a baby of my family.

But, something is shifting. With pets we’ve had over a decade, and a friend we’ve had for a decade, going, it feels like a new season is upon me, without warning. I should be more prepared at my age for life changes like this.

I knew life would be different this school year. Both Porter and Liam are gone to college, both thriving in their own ways. My main responsibilities for Oliver are to make sure he eats, make sure he gets some sleep, and make sure he brushes his teeth, make sure he takes his medicines. Jared mostly makes sure he is doing his schoolwork.

No one warned me that the entire landscape of life would shift, like sands beneath my feet, all at the same time. I was not ready. At all. My coping techniques are helping by a thin margin. This blog is one of those coping mechanisms.

I turn 47 years old next week. 47 sounds old. It’s not even early 40’s anymore.

Maybe my midlife crisis is hitting late. I don’t know. I mean, at least it seems that the worst I’ve done is downgrade from a photography business and sell off half my gear– which I am not missing so far, by the way.

But if life would just slow down, I’d appreciate it. Just a little. Please let me just get a breath.