Tag: self-exploration

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    untitled

    You can read more about me here.

  • grateful december 31, 2024

    grateful december 31, 2024

    Us, January 3, 2004
    1. I am grateful for 2024.
    2. I am grateful for forgiveness.
    3. I am grateful to have a real piano in the house again.
    4. I am grateful Wicked is out for rent and purchase now.
    5. I am grateful for shifts in perspective.
    6. I am grateful for my gratitude practice.
    7. I am grateful for my meditation practice.
    8. I am grateful that my lungs work.
    9. I am grateful for working appliances.
    10. I am grateful for clean water.
    11. I am grateful to have a hot water heater.
    12. I am grateful for a reliable electric grid.
    13. I am grateful for Jared.
    14. I am grateful for my marriage to Jared.
    15. I am grateful for Porter.
    16. I am grateful for Liam.
    17. I am grateful for Oliver.
    18. I am grateful for the NICU at the University of Iowa.
    19. I am grateful for the NICU at Emory Midtown.
    20. I am grateful for modern medicine.
    21. I am grateful for Ronald McDonald House Charities.
    22. I am grateful for Habitat for Humanity.
    23. I am grateful to have been born when Jimmy Carter was President of the United States.
    24. I am grateful for love.
    25. I am grateful for compassion.
    26. I am grateful for critical thinking skills.
    27. I am grateful for my family.
    28. I am grateful for Jared’s family.
    29. I am grateful for music.
    30. I am grateful for art.
    31. I am grateful for good teachers and mentors.
    32. I am grateful for a pretty day today.
    33. I am grateful Jared got to ride his scooter on I-20, I-285, and I-85 today and came home alive. He is excited that he knows he can safely ride into Atlanta now.
    34. I am grateful HOPE and Zell Miller scholarships.
    35. I am grateful for Steve Ross yoga.
    36. I am grateful for the internet.
    37. I am grateful to know how to read.
    38. I am grateful to like to read.
    39. I am grateful my children like to read.
    40. I am grateful that I like to write.
    41. I am grateful to know how to type.
    42. i am grateful to be able to exercise.
    43. I am grateful for holidays with the boys and Jared.
    44. I am grateful that we have a roof over our heads.
    45. I am grateful for good friends.
    46. I am grateful we have enough to eat.
    47. I am grateful for musical theater.
    48. I am grateful to be refreshing my French on Duolingo.
    49. I am grateful for my memories.
    50. I am grateful for the way photography re-trains my brain to see the beauty in the world.
  • grateful — december 28, 2024

    grateful — december 28, 2024

    I’ve been radio silent on this blog for a while and every time I post I think this is the start of when I might start posting on a regular basis. The truth is, I write every day, sometimes on Facebook but without fail in my journal software. I’m interested in being a blogger, but I’ve felt like I had to guard my words and thoughts for a while now and a lot of what I wanted to write about just really wasn’t appropriate to write about in public mostly because it would re-traumatize myself.

    Anyway, I’ve been doing gratitude lists daily for over a year now and they’ve included 50 things on them since February or so of this year. For much of the month of December, I posted my daily gratitude lists on Facebook for my friends to read. But likely, they are tired of that daily oversharing, and I do have this space that is all mine. So, here is today’s gratitude list. I doubt this will be a daily post. But, it makes me feel good to post it here today.

    1. I am grateful for Jared.
    2. I am grateful for my marriage to Jared.
    3. I am grateful I can get on with a routine and not worry about exactly staying awake as long as Jared does.
    4. I am grateful for my education.
    5. I am grateful for mornings.
    6. I am grateful for foggy mornings.
    7. I am grateful for AGI, brie or goat cheese, sunflower seeds, a protein bar, and decaf coffee + collagen for breakfast.
    8. I am grateful for the way photography re-trains my brain to see the beauty in the world.
    9. I am grateful my children are healthy.
    10. I am grateful for peace and quiet.
    11. I am grateful for Mow, Nancy, Bess, Abby, and Trixie.
    12. I am grateful for my family.
    13. I am grateful for Jared’s family.
    14. i am grateful for my memories.
    15. I am grateful for my education, both inside and outside the classroom.
    16. I am grateful for music.
    17. I am grateful for art.
    18. I am grateful I know how to read.
    19. I am grateful I like to read.
    20. I am grateful for healthy changes in perspective.
    21. I am grateful for forgiveness.
    22. I am grateful for time to think.
    23. I am grateful for Steve Ross yoga.
    24. I am grateful for good friends.
    25. I am grateful for my church.
    26. I am grateful for all the churches I’ve attended in my life.
    27. I am grateful for my work history.
    28. I am grateful for comfortable shoes.
    29. I am grateful a simple Christmas 2024.
    30. I am grateful for good teachers and mentors.
    31. I am grateful to know a lot of talented artists.
    32. I am grateful to know how to cut my own hair myself.
    33. I am grateful to know how to do simple trims my family’s hair when they want me to.
    34. I am grateful my family is not hungry.
    35. I am grateful to be volunteering somewhere again.
    36. I am grateful to have discovered chickpea pasta.
    37. I am grateful to be both a cat and a dog person.
    38. I am grateful to have a blog.
    39. I am grateful for the years I spent tinkering with WordPress theme designs. It meant that when I bought a theme I liked, I could tweak it to be just so like I wanted.
    40. I am grateful to know how to play the piano.
    41. I am grateful to have a real piano in the house again.
    42. I am grateful that 2024 has been a year of growth.
    43. I am grateful to be less afraid of the world these days.
    44. i am grateful I’ve finally had the patience to let my hair grow.
    45. I am grateful it doesn’t matter if my hair ever thins because I do actually like how I look bald.
    46. I am grateful for modern medicine.
    47. I am grateful for modern psychiatric medicine.
    48. I am grateful to know at least some history.
    49. I am grateful to appreciate history.
    50. I am grateful I like to learn.

      Happy Holidays, Everyone.
  • november is hard

    november is hard

    November is always hard. 

    I should start writing advice letters to myself.

    Forty-five year old me would tell nineteen year old me on this night twenty-six years ago that this week will always be hard from now on. Though, at least at age forty-five there is some perspective on the fact that two separate men were never good for me. Tonight twenty-six years ago was just another example of that fact. 

    I feel like in many ways I am psychologically re-parenting the me of my early adulthood. I very rarely feel like I am making progress, though writing here tonight is progress so I am grateful for that.

    Two trauma anniversaries within a week should not happen to anyone. I know I am hardly unique in these experiences and that makes me sad. Though I am unique probably in my own personal circles in that way.

    I wonder if I would have invited drama into my life had things not gone the way they did in my late teenage years? It’s good that I am starting to wonder things like that now. And that I recognize the urge for drama and can talk to Jared about it fully transparently.

    I love my marriage.

    I have some decisions to make over the next couple of weeks and it feels tonight like I am at a crossroads within myself regarding at least one of those decisions.

    Tonight, though, routine is enough. There will be an engagement session tomorrow with a lovely couple and there are wedding photos to finish editing. And I had my very first (paid!) editing job for someone else yesterday and I could do that full-time if someone would let me. For real.

    But for now, it’s bedtime because taking Oliver and Liam to school at 7 AM will come early. We always are in the car in time to listen to “Forgive and Forget.”

    Maybe someday soon I will be able to actually write for real like I used to in the old days. Maybe. Tonight isn’t that night, but for tonight at least there is a new blog post.

  • the power of a gratitude practice

    the power of a gratitude practice

    gratitude practice

    Over the past year or so, I have developed a fairly elaborate gratitude practice.

    My gratitude practice is slowly transforming my life. It has helped me curb my compulsive spending habits. Keeping a gratitude list has helped me transform my mindset into a much more positive tone, and it has also helped me cultivate a truly grateful attitude.

    About a year ago, I started making a list each day of things and people I am grateful for. I started out my practice by listing five things each day that I was grateful for. That progressed to ten things eventually, and now my gratitude list includes fifty things that I am grateful for each day. 

    There are two things that are helpful in maintaining a gratitude practice: It is easier to do it at the same time each day. I find it easiest to make my gratitude list in the mornings. Also, when I have difficulty thinking of things to be grateful for in my life, I go back to the relationships I am grateful for in my life. 

    It is not easy to maintain a gratitude practice. I was pretty militant at first at keeping up with my list daily, but now I do sometimes go upwards of a week between making my gratitude lists. I have discovered this is a practice of intentionality. I have also discovered when I neglect this practice, my more negative mindset tends to creep back in. The positive mindset effects is my motivation for keeping up this practice.

    As an example, here is my gratitude list for today:

    Grateful Oct 7, 2024

    1. I am grateful for Jared.
    2. I am grateful for my marriage to Jared.
    3. I am grateful I have discovered physical therapy.
    4. I am grateful physical therapy is not just me doing exercises.
    5. I am grateful I have a great physical therapist.
    6. I am grateful for my jewelry collection.
    7. I am grateful I can cut my own hair.
    8. I am grateful we live in Carrollton.
    9. I am grateful I am not going to bed hungry tonight.
    10. I am grateful we could get ice cream tonight.
    11. I am grateful that I am alive.
    12. I am grateful that BG and I are communicating again.
    13. I am grateful that the current hurricane isn’t headed for Georgia.
    14. I am grateful I can occasionally sit on the reclining couch.
    15. I am grateful for Abby sitting at my feet.
    16. I am grateful for Trixie wanting to be close to Liam.
    17. I am grateful Oliver has friends.
    18. I am grateful Mama and Daddy have Carrollton Presbyterian Church.
    19. I am grateful Jared got to meet someone who also thinks several special people in Jared’s life from his past are also special.
    20. I am grateful that Jared loves me.
    21. I am grateful for Covenant Presbyterian Church.
    22. I am grateful that my hair is growing.
    23. I am grateful that I ate a pretty balanced diet today.
    24. I am grateful that I drink decaf coffee.
    25. I am grateful that I could sleep in this morning.
    26. I am grateful Jared is playing D&D with his friends.
    27. I am grateful to have time to myself to work.
    28. I am grateful to be rekindling my love of writing.
    29. I am grateful the weather is good today.
    30. I am grateful we have an alarm system.
    31. I am grateful our dishwasher and our washing machine and dryer all work.
    32. I am grateful I have a safe place to sleep tonight.
    33. I am grateful my children have enough to eat.
    34. I am grateful Porter still wants to spend time with us.
    35. I am grateful that Porter texts me sometimes.
    36. I am grateful that Porter is doing well in his college classes.
    37. I am grateful that Porter doesn’t mind me tracking his phone location while he is downtown.
    38. I am grateful that Porter is not giving up on his education even though he doesn’t love GSU.
    39. I am grateful that we have a nice home.
    40. I am grateful that we have a home.
    41. I am grateful that we can pay our bills.
    42. I am grateful that Liam is doing so well on learning to drive.
    43. I am grateful that I still have the drive to tell my stories.
    44. I am grateful that it is okay to tell my stories even if those stories have evolved from what I thought they once were.
    45. I am grateful to have a blog.
    46. I am grateful for my photography business.
    47. I am grateful that I got to shoot a wedding at Cloudland Canyon.
    48. I am grateful that I have photographed 43 weddings.
    49. I am grateful for my camera gear.
    50. I am grateful to have some alone time tonight.

    This is my list from today. Sometimes, things from the day make it onto the next day’s list and I do not stress over whether I repeat myself. In fact, I have found that repeatedly listing the same items over again multiple times ingrain the feeling of gratitude over a certain relationship or thing. I hope my experiences with my gratitude practice helps you in your own!