I don’t say that from a despondent sense. It’s true: last night, when we got home from taking Porter back to UGA, I hid in our bedroom, just after dark, telling Jared I was going to bed at about 6:45 PM. That it was a sleep emergency ( I have those).
But by about 7:15, I called for him, telling him I was hiding. He said he knew that.
I do that, too: I hide. Even in my own house. I retreat to the bedroom, to my bed, which is my haven when the world is too overwhelming.
Jared was able to coax me out from hiding about an hour later.
Back to the “interesting life” bit… Several weeks ago, I bought a fresh copy of Scrivener.
I had Scrivener several laptops ago, but I never did a whole lot with it the last go ‘round.
This time, though: there is already the pages for thirteen different chapters…
I’m going to write a fictionalized memoir.
My life would make an excellent fictionalized psychological thriller.
So anyway, that’s a thing that’s in process.
And maybe it will be an income-generating project eventually. But that’s not the primary purpose.
The primary purpose is therapeutic writing. I can pound out my heartache, my trauma, my life observations….all in fictionalized memoir format.
I can say things through fiction that I cannot say via a publication in real life.
And someday, it will be done. Probably someday sooner than later, if I can properly focus well enough this winter. I desperately need a project to channel my energy into, and writing has always been one of my stronger suits.
And goodness knows, my life story, drama-filled as it has been, is the perfect fodder fuel for a highly fictionalized work.
So yeah. That’s a thing. A thing I can sink my teeth into since gainful employment is elusive, to also vent my anger, heartache, hurt, grief, and trauma all at the same time.
Halloween was interesting….I dressed up as a professional princess complete with the tiara I wore for our wedding and the pink sweater I made for myself last year, and a tulle layered skirt that embarrasses the big boys but Oliver likes, and one of my crystal necklaces, and my black faux patent leather boots that I love so much.
Oliver was the Joker from Batman.
The band was allowed to wear costumes, so Liam wore his suit on the field. He told me who he was supposed to be but I forget now– he’d wanted to wear a mask but school rules prohibited masks.
We have Porter home for the weekend! I went to get him Thursday at UGA. I skipped my ladies’ group in favor of a nap and necessary self-care, and then went to get Porter.
This selfie with Jared was tonight at the Marina. Jared took me to the swings at the Marina for the last night of dark after 6 pm for the year, since the time changes tonight. I took another selfie with us both looking at the camera, but then he wanted to take this one of him kissing me.
Jared is not afraid of public displays of affection, and he opened the door on my side of the car when I got in the car tonight. I have to say…..he’s done that for 22 years now. The only exception is if the spot is too tight for it to be awkward for him to do so. Otherwise, he is opening the car door for me and I am used to it.
The last two days have been rough for reasons I won’t go into, but Jared is taking good care of me. He always does.
Jared says I have been less afraid of him this year; that I am making progress.
He says for years in the 2010s to the early 2020s I flinched, as in actually jumped, whenever Jared reached out to touch me.
Jared says it hurt, but he knew it was not him I was reacting to: it was ghosts of the past.
The body keeps score.
And even now, my nervous system is highly wired and worn out.
But I do love my husband, and I am learning to trust the love that he has shown me consistently for 22 years now.
Trust is hard.
Trusting men is harder.
The body keeps score and even with 22 years of careful and tender care, there are confusing outbursts occasionally. It’s hard to remember that my husband is not the enemy sometimes.
And when my nervous system feels short-circuited due to high alert, the best thing I can do is bury my head in Jared’s chest and let him tell me, without me saying a word, “You are safe.”
In fact, when I am at my most distressed, Jared takes off his shirt to hold me, telling me I need the contact of his warm skin.
Jared says, “You are safe,” at the most unexpected times.
The situation is delicate enough that Jared’s incredible employer lets me hang out with him at work whenever it’s practical.
Right now, I am drafting this post from the hallway of the press box while Jared is working with the broadcast kids for the Halloween football game tonight.
Lots of afternoons, when I have been unable to drag myself out of the bed due to despondency, Jared will say, “Come see me,” and when I manage to get cleaned up and out of the house, I just go hang out at his office.
Jared is truly my safe place.
How I got so lucky when that man with the online profile “Maxtheape” sent me a message in early July 2003, I will never know.
I remain convinced that Jared Price saved my life.
Time for some shallowness and navel-gazing (not that all my posts aren’t mostly navel-gazing)….
The photo above is me in June of 2021. I’d shaved my head in July of 2020 after I bleached my hair beyond repair the month before. I was probably also 50 pounds heavier at the time.
Just so people know…..if you decide to ever shave your hair you might love it. But also know: working through the first little 3 inches or so of grow-out phase is really, really, really hard. Which is why I was mostly bald and had super short hair through June of 2022. Just saying.
It’s been a process, honestly probably, shaving my hair was an awesome thing to do because in the process, I learned how to cut my hair myself.
I’ve had probably 4 professional haircuts in the last 3 years total…..I had one in June of 2025 and the one before that was in July of 2024.
Just so y’all know….Justin Hickox on YouTube is great for videos on how to cut and give basic small layers in fine hair like mine.
I picked up some regular cutting shears, and some texturizing shears. And while my hair was super short I was still using Jared’s trimmers on my neck.
Secret fact that’s not so secret: I still mostly use the trimmers sometimes to cut my hair, especially now that I mostly want a blunt cut. It’s a lot easier to get a straight line in the back holding the mirror.
Layers can be cute for short hair but the last time I had nearly shoulder length hair my hair looked so thin and I know now it was because it had entirely too many long layers in it. That might change if my hair gets beyond shoulder length, but not holding my breath on that. I’m aging and my hair is thinner and graying in odd places, which also makes it look thinner.
As far as products, it has been an evolving system.
Now, I use plain V05 shampoo from Walmart (I think it’s $1.99), and Trader Joe’s 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. I wash once with the V05 and once with the 3-in-1.
My hair tends to look greasy fast with heavy conditioners. I do use the L’Oreal Pro Longer conditioner every once in a while since I still have some….but probably not more than once every two weeks.
I’ve never been one to really use leave-in conditioners, but I picked up some Mixed Chicks leave-in conditioner at Publix and I do actually kind of love it. My hair is mostly straight but as it gets longer it has a sort of wave in the underside of it. But regardless, the Mixed Chicks conditioner is by far the lightest conditioner I’ve found.
Now, I use the Mixed Chicks conditioner most days, and I mostly focus on the hair below my ears.
Very occasionally I also do still use L’Oreal Elvive 8 Second Wonder Water in place of a conditioner, but I do this even less often than I do the L’Oreal Pro Longer conditioner at this point. I like it and it takes only a very tiny little bit with with my hair still being just below chin length, but I just don’t feel like I need it very often.
I’ve stopped using most of the L’Oreal Pro Longer line, but the one product I will continue to use daily is the L’Oreal Pro Longer Heat Protectant Cream. It is pricy but it is a 10-in-1 and I love the way it makes my hair feel. I mostly focus on the hair below my ears with this too, but I am less worried about it with this product.
I will say, with both the Mixed Chicks and the L’Oreal Heat Protectant…a very little bit goes a very long way, which is why I don’t mind the higher price.
Now that my hair is longer I am also back to using Kenra Sugar Beach Spray 7 as a texturizing spray instead of a salt spray. I like the way this make my hair feel too, and it adds a little body.
Best of all: I was a militant curling iron user from my teen years clear through adulthood.
I wish I’d stopped long enough to pay attention to my hair’s natural behavior to see that all I have to do is point the hair dryer at my ends and my hair curls under naturally. I don’t really even have to use a brush to get it to look that way. I guess it’s the natural wave, but it’s way easier on my hair than the curling iron is, for sure.
My goal for this season is to resist trims until after Christmas. That’s the issue with having the hair cutting tools and knowhow at home: It’s really easy to just pick up the shears and go at it, but that means less length over time. It’s why despite letting my hair grow since 2023, it’s still just under chin length.
So anyway, that’s the hair story these days.
If you’re new around here, you can read about me here. Have a great day!
Once upon a time, there was a girl who was out looking for herself.
She looked everywhere. She looked back in time.
She looked in her hometown.
She looked in far off places.
And there was a boy who held her hand the whole time.
And he reminded her that she was enough, that she mattered.
And he reminded her, daily, that he loved her.
And, one evening, holding the boy’s hand at the Marina in the picture above, she briefly snapped out of her fragile venture for meaning to see that it was right there, with her, holding her hand, the whole time.
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