Category: Mental Health

  • on my recent hysterectomy

    on my recent hysterectomy

    Two days shy of three weeks ago, I had a complete hysterectomy. They took everything. While medically justified due to family history, they did find problems with both ovaries in surgery that made it apparent they did indeed need to come out. The decision was made initially because I just wanted to prevent problems as I got older, so the timing of the ovarian problems was just a happy coincidence.

    The first three or four days were the worst, though the physical pain hasn’t been too bad overall. Now I struggle with the not doing too much, as I feel called now to do things like purge my house of unnecessary clutter and potentially rearrange furniture.

    I feel like I should be lamenting the loss of my ability to have more children, but the reality is, I have been mourning that loss of ability for the better part of a decade.

    Our youngest son was a surprise pregnancy and I was so traumatized by that pregnancy that I not only got my tubes tied, I insisted on my husband having his own procedure, too. But after the dust had cleared from those procedures, and after I realized that yes, I can be a successful stay at home mom to toddlers, I regretted that sterilization choice.

    So, I have been mourning the loss of my fertility for most of a decade so it doesn’t feel that jarring now that it is permanently impossible to have more children.

    My husband and I have three beautiful, wonderful, brilliant, kind, and funny boys. I treasure each of them.

    In reality, this whole procedure, assuming the rest of recovery goes smoothly, feels like a big gift to myself, not a loss at all. No more periods; immediate menopause so no more years of the back and forth wondering when menopause will come.

    I’ve been walking a little with Jared most days at the Marina, and yesterday I started doing my lying chest fly exercises that I love to help my chest and back– they are part of my physical therapy exercises and it felt so good to ease back into them. And I got clearance to drive last Thursday, so I have my freedom again.

    Here’s to hoping the remainder of my recovery goes smoothly.

  • life in these times



    My aunt and uncle and cousins sent me the beautiful flowers in the photos above, having had them delivered Friday. So beautiful!

    I didn’t feel up to trying to get out the camera to photograph them until this afternoon, and it is clear that carrying my camera in my purse for the next six weeks is simply not an option at all. 

    All in all though, recovery is going well even though I’m only 3 days out from surgery. Pain is already almost non-existent and I’m going to attempt to sleep through the night tonight without waking up for pain meds. And, I’ve avoided the strongest prescribed option for pain so far altogether, which I am much relieved about. 

    These photos were taken with the GFX 50sII and my prized Schneider-Kreuznach Cinelux Ultra 85mm f2 MC lens. I love that my favorite lens was made to be an IMAX lens. 

    Emily P Freeman always cites Barbara Brown Taylor when she talks about “Things that are saving my life right now,” and it seems fitting to talk about the things that are saving my life right now:

    1. My gratitude list is at the top of that list of things that are saving my life right now. For a while I was publishing my gratitude lists both here and on social media. But it’s true that most days I itemize 50 different things or people or situations that I am grateful for. Keeping up with cultivating that grateful attitude really does help my mental health.
    2. In the interest of complete honesty with regard to the hysterectomy: the best investment I made prior to the hysterectomy was purchasing the 7.98 yoga pants that I found at Walmart two nights before surgery. While pain is minimal, swelling is rough and finding pants that have a very, very forgiving waistline has made all the difference, for sure.
    3. Having the surgery just before a holiday weekend means that Jared has been available for longer than he otherwise would have been, which has been a relief.
    4. Google Gemini has been an interesting tool for several months now. I’ve used it to plot blog ideas, Gemini helped me redesign this very blog down to color schemes for the links. I considered moving domain names away from my own name and Gemini helped me lay out the pros and cons of each, leading me to keep my own name as the current domain name. And that’s just only two examples…..there have been endless examples since I started using Gemini probably last October or so.
    5. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy techniques are also saving my life right now. I’ve long known to tell myself that “I am not my illness,” but I recently started reading The Happiness Trap. The psychological flexibility that I hope will come from separating myself from my thoughts and feelings I do think may actually change my life forever.

    As always, I continue to work on processing past trauma and what I am finding through my meditation and gratitude practices along with the techniques like cognitive defusion that I am learning about….all of that is helping me to learn to live in the present. Which makes nights like tonight, when Jared and I went to sit at the Marina for a while, all the more precious.

    Thanks for reading! You can read more about me here. Later!

  • a return to my roots: blogging


    The baby factory in these parts is officially out of business! I’m two days out from my complete hysterectomy. Mostly feeling good, mostly bored already and want to be able to do what I could do before instead of having to be a couch potato for the next six weeks.

    2025 has been hard for a variety of reasons. I don’t even know what to say.

    It has been announced on my personal Facebook page, but Caroline Price Photography is shutting down in August after the remainder of my current client galleries expire.

    I have photographed 48 weddings, one quinceañera, and countless portrait sessions. My heart is full. Thank you to each of you who have trusted me with capturing your memories.

    So, what’s next?

    The truth is, I’m not really sure. I intend to write here more often. Content will likely be stream-of-consciousness musings.

    And, I will continue to be into photography as a hobby– I will still take photos of flowers I come across, I will still take my camera everywhere for serendipitous photos. The hydrangeas in the photo above are on one of the bushes next to my house.

    Ultimately, I will be a whole lot more focused on self-care and tending to my family.

    And in the process, I am likely to reflect on the solid life lessons and growth that I’ve found helpful in the last several months.

    Stay tuned!

    You can read more about me here.

  • these days

    I’m not sure of much anymore. 

    But, I’m sure about my marriage. I am sure I am very proud of the people my children are becoming.

    Those are the two things I am sure of. 

    I’m sure that it’s time to do more looking ahead and less looking behind. 

    I started a photo project a whlie ago: taking photos at the local Marina after I take my children to school. 

    Until Friday, I took these photos on my phone. The photo above is from Friday, May 2, 2025.

    My cameras, however, will be personal use cameras from here on. And, the dynamic range and composition is so much better on my camera than my phone. 

    It’s a season of deep introspection, and setting of boundaries. 

    And, it’s a season of remembering all I have to be grateful for. 

    With help, I rebuilt the feel of this blog. My intention is to write more. 

    I’m not sure what the future holds, and I’m long out of practice writing when it’s not emotional content.

    I’m not sure about my place in the world. 

    I took some public stands on social media a while ago that I’d make again in a heartbeat. Not sorry; it was the right thing to do. 

    And, I’m sure, too, that it’s time to seek out new social circles. 

    I’m also now sure that life is about change, at least in part. 

  • grateful — december 28, 2024

    grateful — december 28, 2024

    I’ve been radio silent on this blog for a while and every time I post I think this is the start of when I might start posting on a regular basis. The truth is, I write every day, sometimes on Facebook but without fail in my journal software. I’m interested in being a blogger, but I’ve felt like I had to guard my words and thoughts for a while now and a lot of what I wanted to write about just really wasn’t appropriate to write about in public mostly because it would re-traumatize myself.

    Anyway, I’ve been doing gratitude lists daily for over a year now and they’ve included 50 things on them since February or so of this year. For much of the month of December, I posted my daily gratitude lists on Facebook for my friends to read. But likely, they are tired of that daily oversharing, and I do have this space that is all mine. So, here is today’s gratitude list. I doubt this will be a daily post. But, it makes me feel good to post it here today.

    1. I am grateful for Jared.
    2. I am grateful for my marriage to Jared.
    3. I am grateful I can get on with a routine and not worry about exactly staying awake as long as Jared does.
    4. I am grateful for my education.
    5. I am grateful for mornings.
    6. I am grateful for foggy mornings.
    7. I am grateful for AGI, brie or goat cheese, sunflower seeds, a protein bar, and decaf coffee + collagen for breakfast.
    8. I am grateful for the way photography re-trains my brain to see the beauty in the world.
    9. I am grateful my children are healthy.
    10. I am grateful for peace and quiet.
    11. I am grateful for Mow, Nancy, Bess, Abby, and Trixie.
    12. I am grateful for my family.
    13. I am grateful for Jared’s family.
    14. i am grateful for my memories.
    15. I am grateful for my education, both inside and outside the classroom.
    16. I am grateful for music.
    17. I am grateful for art.
    18. I am grateful I know how to read.
    19. I am grateful I like to read.
    20. I am grateful for healthy changes in perspective.
    21. I am grateful for forgiveness.
    22. I am grateful for time to think.
    23. I am grateful for Steve Ross yoga.
    24. I am grateful for good friends.
    25. I am grateful for my church.
    26. I am grateful for all the churches I’ve attended in my life.
    27. I am grateful for my work history.
    28. I am grateful for comfortable shoes.
    29. I am grateful a simple Christmas 2024.
    30. I am grateful for good teachers and mentors.
    31. I am grateful to know a lot of talented artists.
    32. I am grateful to know how to cut my own hair myself.
    33. I am grateful to know how to do simple trims my family’s hair when they want me to.
    34. I am grateful my family is not hungry.
    35. I am grateful to be volunteering somewhere again.
    36. I am grateful to have discovered chickpea pasta.
    37. I am grateful to be both a cat and a dog person.
    38. I am grateful to have a blog.
    39. I am grateful for the years I spent tinkering with WordPress theme designs. It meant that when I bought a theme I liked, I could tweak it to be just so like I wanted.
    40. I am grateful to know how to play the piano.
    41. I am grateful to have a real piano in the house again.
    42. I am grateful that 2024 has been a year of growth.
    43. I am grateful to be less afraid of the world these days.
    44. i am grateful I’ve finally had the patience to let my hair grow.
    45. I am grateful it doesn’t matter if my hair ever thins because I do actually like how I look bald.
    46. I am grateful for modern medicine.
    47. I am grateful for modern psychiatric medicine.
    48. I am grateful to know at least some history.
    49. I am grateful to appreciate history.
    50. I am grateful I like to learn.

      Happy Holidays, Everyone.