Category: Mental Health

  • when taking It easy is the hardest work

    I’m going to try to write more consistently.

    Today’s goal was basic: get a shower. Goal accomplished.

    Tuesday was a rough day; I wasn’t feeling physically great after having way-overdone it on Monday. I was pretty sure I was going to have to go back in, which now feels funny considering it’s Friday and I feel much better, if a little washed out.

    It is difficult to remember that I am recovering from major surgery. It’s hard to think of it as major surgery because all in all, pain was minimal and I don’t have crazy external incisions at all. Just three tiny little almost cute incisions.

    But Tuesday reminded me that I have to take it easy. I don’t like it and I am bored and it feels ridiculous. But it is what it is.

    I am considering selling my second camera and a few of my lenses. I sort of have this vision of being a one-camera, one-lens photographer. Kind of funny to circle back around to that after so many years of chasing better and more, photography-wise. But, here we are.

    And then there are the days like today where I am writing, where I only took a single photo of Bess our cat, where I just am sort of existing.

    It is difficult to be kind to myself sometimes.

    Fridays in the summer Jared is off, so we took Oliver to a bouncy house in town earlier in the day:

    It’s pretty funny that I got a photo of one of the little kid bouncy houses– Oliver was playing in a lot of others but not this one.

    It’s been raining a lot, and with my brief setback earlier in the week, Oliver didn’t make it to the pool. I feel bad about it, but we’re going to try to do more next week.

    Summertime is quick slipping by for sure.

    You can read more about why I write here.

  • on my recent hysterectomy

    on my recent hysterectomy

    Two days shy of three weeks ago, I had a complete hysterectomy. They took everything. While medically justified due to family history, they did find problems with both ovaries in surgery that made it apparent they did indeed need to come out. The decision was made initially because I just wanted to prevent problems as I got older, so the timing of the ovarian problems was just a happy coincidence.

    The first three or four days were the worst, though the physical pain hasn’t been too bad overall. Now I struggle with the not doing too much, as I feel called now to do things like purge my house of unnecessary clutter and potentially rearrange furniture.

    I feel like I should be lamenting the loss of my ability to have more children, but the reality is, I have been mourning that loss of ability for the better part of a decade.

    Our youngest son was a surprise pregnancy and I was so traumatized by that pregnancy that I not only got my tubes tied, I insisted on my husband having his own procedure, too. But after the dust had cleared from those procedures, and after I realized that yes, I can be a successful stay at home mom to toddlers, I regretted that sterilization choice.

    So, I have been mourning the loss of my fertility for most of a decade so it doesn’t feel that jarring now that it is permanently impossible to have more children.

    My husband and I have three beautiful, wonderful, brilliant, kind, and funny boys. I treasure each of them.

    In reality, this whole procedure, assuming the rest of recovery goes smoothly, feels like a big gift to myself, not a loss at all. No more periods; immediate menopause so no more years of the back and forth wondering when menopause will come.

    I’ve been walking a little with Jared most days at the Marina, and yesterday I started doing my lying chest fly exercises that I love to help my chest and back– they are part of my physical therapy exercises and it felt so good to ease back into them. And I got clearance to drive last Thursday, so I have my freedom again.

    Here’s to hoping the remainder of my recovery goes smoothly.

  • life in these times



    My aunt and uncle and cousins sent me the beautiful flowers in the photos above, having had them delivered Friday. So beautiful!

    I didn’t feel up to trying to get out the camera to photograph them until this afternoon, and it is clear that carrying my camera in my purse for the next six weeks is simply not an option at all. 

    All in all though, recovery is going well even though I’m only 3 days out from surgery. Pain is already almost non-existent and I’m going to attempt to sleep through the night tonight without waking up for pain meds. And, I’ve avoided the strongest prescribed option for pain so far altogether, which I am much relieved about. 

    These photos were taken with the GFX 50sII and my prized Schneider-Kreuznach Cinelux Ultra 85mm f2 MC lens. I love that my favorite lens was made to be an IMAX lens. 

    Emily P Freeman always cites Barbara Brown Taylor when she talks about “Things that are saving my life right now,” and it seems fitting to talk about the things that are saving my life right now:

    1. My gratitude list is at the top of that list of things that are saving my life right now. For a while I was publishing my gratitude lists both here and on social media. But it’s true that most days I itemize 50 different things or people or situations that I am grateful for. Keeping up with cultivating that grateful attitude really does help my mental health.
    2. In the interest of complete honesty with regard to the hysterectomy: the best investment I made prior to the hysterectomy was purchasing the 7.98 yoga pants that I found at Walmart two nights before surgery. While pain is minimal, swelling is rough and finding pants that have a very, very forgiving waistline has made all the difference, for sure.
    3. Having the surgery just before a holiday weekend means that Jared has been available for longer than he otherwise would have been, which has been a relief.
    4. Google Gemini has been an interesting tool for several months now. I’ve used it to plot blog ideas, Gemini helped me redesign this very blog down to color schemes for the links. I considered moving domain names away from my own name and Gemini helped me lay out the pros and cons of each, leading me to keep my own name as the current domain name. And that’s just only two examples…..there have been endless examples since I started using Gemini probably last October or so.
    5. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy techniques are also saving my life right now. I’ve long known to tell myself that “I am not my illness,” but I recently started reading The Happiness Trap. The psychological flexibility that I hope will come from separating myself from my thoughts and feelings I do think may actually change my life forever.

    As always, I continue to work on processing past trauma and what I am finding through my meditation and gratitude practices along with the techniques like cognitive defusion that I am learning about….all of that is helping me to learn to live in the present. Which makes nights like tonight, when Jared and I went to sit at the Marina for a while, all the more precious.

    Thanks for reading! You can read more about me here. Later!

  • a return to my roots: blogging


    The baby factory in these parts is officially out of business! I’m two days out from my complete hysterectomy. Mostly feeling good, mostly bored already and want to be able to do what I could do before instead of having to be a couch potato for the next six weeks.

    2025 has been hard for a variety of reasons. I don’t even know what to say.

    It has been announced on my personal Facebook page, but Caroline Price Photography is shutting down in August after the remainder of my current client galleries expire.

    I have photographed 48 weddings, one quinceañera, and countless portrait sessions. My heart is full. Thank you to each of you who have trusted me with capturing your memories.

    So, what’s next?

    The truth is, I’m not really sure. I intend to write here more often. Content will likely be stream-of-consciousness musings.

    And, I will continue to be into photography as a hobby– I will still take photos of flowers I come across, I will still take my camera everywhere for serendipitous photos. The hydrangeas in the photo above are on one of the bushes next to my house.

    Ultimately, I will be a whole lot more focused on self-care and tending to my family.

    And in the process, I am likely to reflect on the solid life lessons and growth that I’ve found helpful in the last several months.

    Stay tuned!

    You can read more about me here.