Tag: grateful

  • the plastic project

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    The plastic-on-the-windows project is done. At least done enough, for now.

    Not really to my satisfaction really, but there’s nothing to be done about it.

    Liam’s windows still have shades on them (with sheers over the top just for my own edification really) because his window is the only one really on ground level. 

    To put plastic on Liam’s windows would mean I would have to cover the shades (the plastic goes on the window frame), which means Liam wouldn’t be able to peek behind them to see who was in the driveway, or if there was a weird noise outside. 

    Liam prefers to keep relying on his space heater when it gets really cold. 

    And Oliver just straight up doesn’t want plastic on his windows.

    And the dining room windows are complicated because the sheers are held on by a tension rod between the tops of the frames. So I couldn’t go to the top of the frame with the plastic.

    Porter’s room is a maybe later. But his room is in the middle of house and it’s typically the hottest room in the house anyway naturally. 

    And the kitchen is also a maybe, though that room doesn’t really get cold. 

    And so: the plastic is on the double doors in the living room, and the windows in our bedroom.

    Our bedroom is the coldest room in the house. Our room is above the almost-walk-in crawlspace/basement and I’ve been thinking about going to get some more roll insulation to put in the ceiling of the crawlspace/basement, between the joists. It’s a thought, though I haven’t talked to Jared about it yet.

    At the very least, the styrofoam tubing I shoved in the wider, disjointed gaps at the base of both double doors in the living room, along with the plastic sweeeps we put to block the air last winter, will help, in addition to the plastic on the window portions of the double doors. That was the biggest insulation worry, since I removed the heavy blackout drapes. 

    The goal really wasn’t to bring our energy bills down from what they already are. The goal was to prevent them from skyrocketing despite the very necessary aesthetic changes made to the windows in the house, for my mental health. 

    If anybody is interested in the plastic I bought, you can find it here. 

    It was the cheapest plastics solution I could find, though admittedly I dealt with an awful lot of waste. But the tape, despite the reviews, seem decent enough. And the hair dryer trick (waving the hair dryer briefly over the edges covering the tape) really does shrink wrap the plastic to the frame .

    And one thing I really was not prepared for was the mishaps: The first window I did, I didn’t know that I should keep the hair dryer to the edges by the tape, and I melted two holes that had to be patched. And the patching, while functional, takes away from the aesthetic. I really need to redo that window.

    Similarly, I hadn’t counted on the dogs seeing cats through the sheers outside and going berzerk. Trixie punched a hole in the bottom of the plastic in one of the doors in the living room, that had to be patched.

    At any rate, I am calling the project a success.

    You can read more about me here. 

  • the parking validation

    So I draft this from a small Winship Emory Midtown waiting room. I have my coffee from home, my phone, a white robe that has no tie at the waist like it should, and a bag with my tops inside. Jared is waiting in the main lobby. The diagnostic mammogram is done. 

    But at the end… The tech told me she was going to give me validation for my parking.

    I do not know what that meant…. but it does not bode good things.

    I have delivered two children at Emory Midtown — I have probably been here over 50 times in the last 18 years — and they never validated my parking before. 

    I know the ultrasound was an optional follow-up and the tech made out like I’d be having the ultrasound but then she backtracked and said it was pending the doctor looking at the images…

    And now, wistfully, I wait.

    ————————

    And the tech came back for me. We repeated the images, for “spot checks,” on the concerning side.

    I am pretty sure I know what is coming.

    ————————

    I sit and wait. At least six people have come and gone back and left. I texted with Jared a little, telling him I was sure I have breast cancer. Jared says to wait and see what the doctor says. 

    I waited over a month for this diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. I panicked when the date was so far out and scheduled one at Tanner for October 15, but I ended up having a late-scheduled tele-health appointment with my endocrinologist on the 15th and had to cancel the Tanner appointment. 

    It meant waiting, but honestly if I have to deal with medical complications I am grateful to be dealing with Emory, not Tanner.

    ————————

    The wait on the ultrasound table for the radiologist, after the tech did the ultrasound, was the longest ever.

    Turns out, I am fine. No breast cancer, no problems under my arm at all. They were very thorough. The radiologist herself came in to explain the mammogram was clear, the ultrasound was clear. 

    I probably have a fungal rash (I have been telling Jared since my appointment last week that it is probably ringworm) like the dermatologist thought it might be. The spot is fading with the creams she gave me. I didn’t tell them that this morning though. 

    I still have zero idea why they validated my parking, though. Or why they repeated the mammogram on the concerning spots. At all. Oh well. 

  • better

    Thank you to everyone who reached out after yesterday’s post. I will be okay.

    Today has been better; I still slept in until 9:30 and didn’t get up until nearly 10:30. Jared is gone to a day conference and left about 6:30 this morning but he made sure the boys were up and getting ready and I got up and took my meds and stayed up until the boys left for school.

    One of the BIG bonuses to having a teen driver in the house is that he can take his little brother to school. We ask him to do it as little as possible, but this morning it felt necessary.

    My solitary task for the day, the one non-negotiable, is that I have to get Oliver from school, after school today.

    And I suppose if I’d had to I could have done it in my jammies– or more accurately– the clothes I put on after my shower last night. Most of my clothes double as jammies; one of the bonuses to living in leggings.

    But, when I got up, I came out and got myself some plain greek yogurt and walnuts for breakfast. I sat down at my computer and I did my gratitude list for the first time since October 21. I actually journaled, as opposed to coming straight here to blog.

    Things on the gratitude list for the day:

    — I am grateful it was a Democratic sweep yesterday

    — I am grateful for Abby

    — I am grateful we have plastic to put over the windows because of the cold

    — I am grateful I have the luxury of being bored

    There were 50 things on my list, but you get the idea.

    And then I remembered my Minolta lenses, and went to read a few reviews between the 58mm 1.2 (a lens I used to have and sold) and the 58mm 1.4 (a lens I currently have) and got the lens out and put it on the GFX:

    And obviously, I took a photo of the GFX with the 58mm lens on it, with the X-S20.

    And then I took this photo of Trixie, with the GFX:

    I do love Minolta lenses. And this one works in regular crop, so I don’t have to use the 35mm crop setting on the GFX. See the above photos? They don’t have the same dimensions because the top one is APS-C and the bottom one is medium format.

    And then after poking around online for a while…..I got myself cleaned up. And then I sent this photo to J:

    And along with the photo, I sent this text to J:

    “I cut on my hair so that it is now all close to properly one length; most of the layers including the thin section at the back of my neck are gone. Back to properly chin length but it felt good to give myself a haircut.
    And I got a shower. And now I am about to warm up 3-day old coffee.
    I feel not quite myself, but almost.”

    The hair thing: I desperately want long hair. But my hair is extremely fine, and thinning by the day. So chin-length it may be. Regardless: now that it is all one length, it is so very obvious that my hair definitely needs absolutely not one single solitary layer in it at all. Too thin for that.

    And yes, I do feel almost myself. A pizza is about to go into the oven for Oliver for when he gets home from school, and after I get him I am going to set to work about finishing the plastic-over-the-windows projects in both our bedroom and the living room. There is an awful lot more to do window-wise– the rest of the house– but if I can just get the hole in the plastic Trixie pierced the other day in the living room and the final door in the living room, along with the second window in our bedroom, it will be a successful day. I am determined to get most of this project done before the extreme cold hits next week.

    Tomorrow is the diagnostic mammogram with potential ultrasound. I’m trying hard to not think about it.

    If you’re new here, you can read more about me here.

  • the project

    Caroline Ellison Price

    It’s been a really interesting life. 

    I don’t say that from a despondent sense. It’s true: last night, when we got home from taking Porter back to UGA, I hid in our bedroom, just after dark, telling Jared I was going to bed at about 6:45 PM. That it was a sleep emergency ( I have those). 

    But by about 7:15, I called for him, telling him I was hiding. He said he knew that. 

    I do that, too: I hide. Even in my own house. I retreat to the bedroom, to my bed, which is my haven when the world is too overwhelming.

    Jared was able to coax me out from hiding about an hour later. 

    Back to the “interesting life” bit… Several weeks ago, I bought a fresh copy of Scrivener.

    I had Scrivener several laptops ago, but I never did a whole lot with it the last go ‘round.

    This time, though: there is already the pages for thirteen different chapters…

    I’m going to write a fictionalized memoir. 

    My life would make an excellent fictionalized psychological thriller.

    So anyway, that’s a thing that’s in process. 

    And maybe it will be an income-generating project eventually. But that’s not the primary purpose.

    The primary purpose is therapeutic writing. I can pound out my heartache, my trauma, my life observations….all in fictionalized memoir format.

    I can say things through fiction that I cannot say via a publication in real life. 

    And someday, it will be done. Probably someday sooner than later, if I can properly focus well enough this winter. I desperately need a project to channel my energy into, and writing has always been one of my stronger suits. 

    And goodness knows, my life story, drama-filled as it has been, is the perfect fodder fuel for a highly fictionalized work. 

    So yeah. That’s a thing. A thing I can sink my teeth into since gainful employment is elusive, to also vent my anger, heartache, hurt, grief, and trauma all at the same time.