I’ve been working frantically on this blog’s page design for most of the past 24 hours. No particular reason, other than I felt like it.
But I finally have the design like I like it! The navigation in the header was a bear to work with, and took some hardwiring with code to get it fixed, but I got it.
And, for better or worse, I have decided to opt into monetization: at the bottom of this page you will find a “Buy me a coffee!” button, which takes to either a one-time or a subscription $5 page.
I’ve talked about it in real life a lot but I use Gemini a lot these days…..I have a Google Workspace subscription leftover from my photo days, attached to this domain name, and I consult Gemini a lot since my version doesn’t contribute to the LLM learning.
Gemini doesn’t do my writing for me. It doesn’t even usually help me come up with post ideas. I do run my posts through Gemini for impact feedback, and for help with typos. That’s it.
But…..Gemini helped me design this blog!
I had an old theme that I liked that I had paid for, but I became concerned about updates, etc. and security issues. I switched to the generic Twenty Twenty Five theme for WordPress probably back in March or April.
But….that theme used a font that I liked so much that I hunted down the font and bought it to use with that previous theme in other places that weren’t licensed by the theme. So I had the font available, and that font is what is powering my current header.
The color choice for the header though…..that’s a nod back to the blogging days of olden times. I came across a theme I liked using that color as a secondary color probably back in 2012 or 2013 or so. The really old days of blogging when I bought new themes like every other day, just because (I know, I know).
That shade of pink though, it stuck with me.
But then in March or April, when I decided to switch to Twenty Twenty Five, I knew I had to have help with the secondary colors.
So, I fed Gemini the original pink shade hex values, and Gemini is the one that came up with the hex value for the bluish sage of the navigation header and links in my design.
Gemini helped me suss out where the email subscribe button should go, which order the social media icons should be in, and where the “Buy me a coffee!” button should go.
And, I have to say, I like this design pretty much as well as any design I have ever had for a website.
Gemini even helped me tailor the language on Privacy Policy page.
When I had trouble configuring the colors in the header, Gemini helped me figure out the code I needed to add to the “Additional CSS” box.
This post is about the design of the blog, but someday I’ll write about other things Gemini helps me do– it’s a lot.
I originally wrote this post in early February of this year, first posted on my personal Facebook profile and then published to a local group. It’s still an issue I feel very passionate about, and so, it’s time for it to make it to my blog. I don’t often step into activistic type shoes, but this is an issue I feel extraordinarily passionate about.
I have something to say about the picture above, and before I say it, I want to add a little context:
My family roots expand the entirety of the geography from rural Polk County to rural Henry County, Georgia, clear back to the early 1800s. As such, I am very very, very well aware of the interpersonal, social, and political dynamics at play that have brought us to this day and the situation as I see it.
My own personal work experience includes very behind the scenes work with organizations such as Atlanta Habitat for Humanity, Fernbank Museum, DFCS, and the AmeriCorps organization in a VISTA capacity (twice, actually), with both the American Red Cross and the Regional Commission network in conjunction with the State of Georgia, along with several private organizations from insurance companies to doing clerical and custodial work for a carpet cleaning company, and I’ve even done intermittent Door Dash in the last two years. My professional and lived experience spans a geographic area of approximately 950 miles, between here and Iowa. I have been a Carroll County resident for 36 of my 45 years.
And, I did happen to spend five years of my life doing a very intensive study of liberal arts subjects in a variety capacities at Georgia State University with religious studies being my major of choice.
As such, please do take note that I know a little bit of what I’m talking about both from a personal and a professional standpoint.
What follows is a repost of a post that I made yesterday on my personal Facebook page along with the corresponding picture that I’m posting here.
I might add that in addition to the personal correspondence that I sent Michelle Morgan approximately 3 weeks ago as I reference in this post, I did point out the value in anonymous volunteer contributions along with monetary support and professional photographic recognition, because of the fact that personally I take severe offense to the fact that her personal mode of operation is showing up for photographic opportunities and giving money to the causes that she supports without actually intervening personally in the work they are doing. Personal volunteer work is invaluable to character development and that is a cornerstone of my life’s work, so I do understand firsthand the impact of being very involved in the actual work of an organization in a volunteer capacity can have on one’s life, personally. I have been forever transformed by my own volunteer endeavors.
The whole way one acclimates and changes in this world is getting to know “the other,” in whatever capacity “the other” might show up in your personal life. I know that firsthand, too.
And you know, I also happen to know because I know my history. I know my personal family history. I know the history of area. I know my own personal history and understand the dynamics of what has brought me to believe in what I believe in. I know that Southern women are typically described as having innards of steel, and that is true for my spirit, undoubtedly. But in my particular case, it actually happens to be legitimate, biological fact that I have a great deal of stainless surgical steel in my body, so it is not just a metaphor for the fact that I will stand by my values and beliefs to any extent necessary.
It is high time that Carroll County, Georgia get its act together and live in the year 2025. I suspect the City of Carrollton itself began this process of reconciliation quite some number of years ago.
And for historical reference just for general knowledge purposes, the Confederate statue at the corner of that courthouse complex is not even a Confederate soldier, because the people who purchased it at the time only had the money for mass produced artifacts that were only tangentially representative of their views. It was very much a power-play, playing to the side of powerful angry white men whose status quo was being threatened at the time: the erection of that statue at that specific moment in history.
Know your history. Know your own personal history and confront your personal demons; know the history of your area, get to know your neighbors well– and your neighbors are not just the people who live literally next door to you.
We are all people and we have so much in common.
It is intense work but so very well worth it.
And I might add: the fact that I have the voice that I have now is very much a testament to the value of a liberal arts education, though my unique life and professional experience is what allows me to speak out and be particularly passionate about social justice.
Here is what I said in my Facebook post:
I have so many thoughts. I do understand that not everyone can dedicate five years of their lives to an intensive liberal arts education program like I did. However; I sincerely wish that 3-Day seminars on at least the Race and Ethnic Relations, Interpersonal Psychology, and half my religious studies classes but especially that preciously sacred Modern Judaism class…. I desperately wish that was all required seminar at both vocational and university levels, required by the Board of Regents for any degree receipt.
I actually wrote Michelle Morgan about this very issue approximately two weeks ago.
It is wholly inappropriate for any decoration to ever be placed on this lawn. Of any type.
It is highly disrespectful that the building is ever lit up with any light other than plain white light.
This building should be treated with the sacredness of a Holocaust museum because that is precisely the sacredness these grounds carry.
There shouldn’t even be office space in that building. It should be the place of silent tours as to the horrors of history of this County.
It is particularly appalling that the decorations face the side of the building that has the Confederate flag facade in the top middle, complete with its 13 stars, to this shameful day.
I’m done being quiet about bigoted and racist shenanigans. Done.
It is pure ignorance (or equally likely nefarious intolerance) that leads to places like this country we all love finds itself in today.
And, it is because liberal arts programs are being intentionally eliminated (I am sorry, I call it like I see it), that b.s. like this happens.
(Added in edits for this post: )
[The very nature of education in liberal arts areas of study is what allows for the very natural development of critical thinking skills: in other words, your ability to think for yourself and suss out what is worth absorbing information-wise in the world, and what is not.
And these programs are being eliminated nation-wide because certain segments of conservative powers that be do not want its citizens thinking critically for themselves, or being empowered to speak out. The intense progress in STEM areas of study is a convenient excuse to reinforce the elimination of these programs.
At least, to my educated observation, that is precisely what is happening.]
But, I am a law abiding tax paying business owner and resident (and added for this post: property owner) of this city and county.
So, I am going to exercise my voice as I see fit.
I tried to encourage enlightenment by suggesting diversity training to Michelle Morgan. My lovely friends with Fearless Dialogues would be the perfect match for the County Commission.
I tried to communicate this idea in the nicest way possible directly, in private.
Since my message was not considered, here it is in a more public forum.
If you are new around here, you can read more about me on my About page. Welcome!
Update October 2025: The lawn decor continues periodically.
One of the feet of my grandparents’ 1940s couch…the couch lives in our bedroom now, but this photo was taken as part of a series I did several years ago called One Hundred Sixteen.
Yeah.
I’ve given up cheese and bread and most processed foods. Most of the things I’ve survived on for the 46 years of my life.
So it stands to reason that when I get hungry, and let too much time go between meals, I’d get a little despondent.
Several years ago, probably in 2016 or so, I thought I was dying. I’d had radioactive iodine ablation therapy on my thyroid the year before, and my thyroid levels were not leveling out as they should have. And my calcium levels were high, and I felt terrible, and my endocrinologist was not sure there wasn’t something screwy going on with my pituitary gland….
And I took several of the photos I’d taken in the five years’ prior, and converted them all to black and white and made them into square formats, and made a photo book out of them, and called the project One Hundred Sixteen, related to our address at the time. And I had Ilford silver gelatin prints made of all the photos in the book…..I wanted my husband and kids to have the best of what I had done with the previous five years, in photos, things that my eye had captured over the years.
The photo above is one of those photos included in the book and prints.
And that is how we came to have a crap ton of silver gelatin prints of my early work around the house, and even more live in a drawer in our dining room now, just taking up space.
I don’t have the exif data from that file above, since it’s so heavily altered. But if I had to guess, I took that photo above with a Fuji X-T2 and probably the 56mm f1.2 lens or the 35mm f2 lens. Around that time period all I would have had was the 16mm, the 56mm, the 35mm f2, and the 90mm, all Fuji X Series native lenses. It was for sure either the Fuji X-T2 or the Fuji X-Pro 2 camera.
I laid down for a nap earlier this afternoon because I was tired, and when I woke up I was in an awful, teary state.
I sold off 4 GFX lenses and the second GFX 50sII body this summer, and now I deeply regret it.
If I had the second body, I could go around with both Cinelux lenses on.
If I had the 45-100mm and the 100-200mm lenses, I could better do wildlife photography.
But at the time, I had things I wanted to do and we sort of needed the money and well…. so they went.
And so my meltdown earlier today was about that, and was also about the fact that while nobody paying me doesn’t mean I’m not a photographer, I also realized what I have given up in closing down my business. Even if it cost massive amounts of money I never made with it.
I miss people asking me to take pictures of things, and I miss even more having the gear I had to be able to do so.
Now, arguably, the X-S20 is better for some of that than the GFX gear.
But once you have shot with a medium format camera….it’s hard to go back.
It’s sort of like people who have to downgrade lifestyle stuff.
And I have worked hard these past couple of weeks. Our house isn’t perfectly clean but it is better. The window coverings situation is certainly better, having a dedicated laundry day is better, Nancy is better, having the garage emptied out feels better…..
Having the garage empty means I can get back to my studio selfies. I should plan to do that in the next couple of days.
But then I got through with my pity party enough to go make myself my smoothie– almond milk, wild blueberries, spinach powder, and a banana– and two sips into my smoothie it hit me:
I was despondent because I was hungry.
HA.
Y’all, I am so used to processed foods and cheese and all the yummy goodness. But the things I am eating (today’s breakfast was late and it was almond flour crackers, decaf coffee with marine collagen, and walnut pieces, and I did allow myself a protein bar this morning)….. they metabolize faster. And take more preparation than just grabbing a string cheese and a protein bar, or some goat cheese and sunflower seeds……
*sigh*
I do feel better. I went to bed not depressed last night. It was nice to just know it was time to go to bed and not feel like the world was ending, or like someone was out to get me, a frequent feeling late at night.
And there is personal drama I don’t care to go into going on, both for me and for Jared, and there’s just a lot going on.
And I don’t feel particularly inspired to pick up my cameras, even if I pine away over gear I parted with.
It all feels manufactured and pointless. Jared takes me to the Marina and I sit there with the camera in my hand and remember, not even really seeing what is in front of me.
And honestly, the sunrise photos at the Marina and the duck pictures in the evening are boring at this point.
It’s time for a personal project. And a reckoning.
I trimmed back the hedges in the bed in front of our front porch this morning. Prior to trimming, they hedges were taller than the porch railing– that whole brush pile in the walkway is what I cut back. I even toted the brush pile to the street for pickup by myself!
It’s for sure becoming apparent that the state of my self-esteem can absolutely be measured by how well I am tending to my house, or how interested I am in tending to my house.
This morning, despite a late night waiting for Liam to get home, I managed to get Oliver to school, started towels (towels and sheets don’t count toward laundry day), have kept towels going all day so far. I did my morning meditation with my Calm app and did 20 minutes on my stationary bike (20 minutes instead of 30 because I haven’t done it in at least a month and a half and am really out of shape all over again).
It’s time for some serious yard attention now that it is Fall. My goal yet this afternoon is still to get out and mow a section of the yard. But this morning, I managed to trim back those bushes you see in the photo above all by myself. That’s kind of a thing because I normally leave that sort of yard work to Jared– getting me to mow or blow off the driveway is usually cause for celebration enough.
But I care about how our house looks and feels again, and the whole hedge trimming project took about 30 minutes total. I had to come in and rest after, and so here I am writing while I get up my energy to go mow, after having had a snack for lunch.
But here’s the thing: Somewhere along the way in 2010 or so, I just utterly snapped. And I have floundered at times and I have done okay at times, and I have mostly been able to be social when out in public all along.
But inside, I’ve felt defeated. I looked back on my school days both in grade school and high school and undergrad, and I did have quite a bit of academic promise. And then in my early career I had such interesting, impactful employment.
And then, I had a very public episode and, job after job, the career-type promise went away.
And I am doing my best to build back. Looking back now I can see for so many years I was grasping for instant repair.
There is no instant repair for the kinds of trauma and mood issues I’ve dealt with in my life. In fact, I’ve run away from the kinds of healing that would really help, at times.
So here I am, in late 2025, and I realize now that the next perfect job is not going to fix my heartbreak. The latest camera gear is certainly not going to fix my heart. The best thing I can do for myself is remind myself that I am capable. And there’s no better way to do that than to do what needs to be done– what I have been running from– and that is to tend to my home and family.
Aside: waking up this morning with the new sheers was amazing. I was in the bed until 7 and the light was just starting to come up, and the uniform light entering the house, growing little by little as the minutes went by, was balm for my soul. That was exactly what I needed, and I am thrilled with the effect. Letting my body work with the sun is also good for my soul and mental health.
Every day won’t be perfect. I know I have to expect depression to come back with its darkness again.
But it seems to be true: When I want to run from my house, when I want to start over, it’s not really about the house. It’s about myself.
No pretty pictures from the day. This is a photo from 2013, 3 houses ago.
But one night sleeping without coverings on the double doors, and new window treatments are on the way.
I spent the day ironing. Lots and lots of ironing.
But, all the windows have their new treatments. I am happy.
And, all of a sudden, I am re-invested in my house.
And maybe hyped up a little bit that I actually have an interest in (and have completed) a project.
I am so very, relieved to love my house again. It’s been quite a long time.
Today, I feel like I’ve been a good wife and mother.
I worked my tail off today, no joke. I didn’t sit down much.
And, while I was ironing window treatments, I also finished laundry day.
Laundry day doesn’t have to be one day, as Dana from A Slob Comes Clean says. And she’s right.
In our case, laundry day actually wasn’t that bad. It started half-heartedly on Monday since I didn’t think of it until halfway through the morning and only worked on it a little bit (I always like to have laundry day be Monday) and it will end about 10:30 PM tonight, when the last load finishes in the dryer and I am able to get everything put away.
And now I don’t have to think about clothes laundry for the rest of the week.
Sheets will be another thing: I should get all the sheets in the house cleaned sooner than later.
I think tomorrow will be another good run through the floors and putting the clutter in the primary bedroom away.
At some point in the next couple of weeks I have to get to Porter’s room finally.
I was listening to one of the many podcasts I listen to today and somebody said (I cannot remember which podcast) that the state of your home mirrors the state of your mind.
In my case, that’s probably 100% true. There’s lots of dust, and clutter, and dirty laundry and dirty floors in my head, too.
It was a good day. Oliver was inducted into the National Junior Beta Club, and we got to see the live broadcast of the CHS Trojan Band on the Gradick Sports Facebook page when we got home. They did such a great job, like they always do.
It’s harder for me to be charitable about Central, my alma mater. The inside jokes are tired and they are inside jokes from well after my time. It’s hard to feel like an outside as an alum from my own band. But it’s been the case for a decade or more.
I got to meet Oliver’s new girlfriend and family. They seem nice.
Yes, my 6th grader has a girlfriend. *sigh* We managed to skip these things with the big boys, and are still so far even. It’s not even Oliver’s first girlfriend.
I have tried, however, to encourage all of my children to not get into serious relationships until well after high school. I speak from experience on how that can go really, really, really awfully bad. Most of you probably know that story and if you don’t I think I made another post about it here somewhere.
At any rate, I will go to bed tired tonight. And I desperately hope I wake up in such a state that I can do it all over again tomorrow.
