25 years ago today, I survived psychological torture and likely real physical danger.
And the particulars don’t matter anymore; I am safe in February 10, 2026, not February 10, 2001.
But I have to wonder what my neighbors of the time thought. They had to hear the screams; I screamed for my life that night. No one responded. It was a 55+ community probably not used to domestic violence issues.
I don’t have to wonder about why it took that precise incident for me to decide to have the boyfriend of the time move out. It took precisely that sequence of events to upend our lives like that.
And I don’t have to wonder because I know: I reclaimed his old room as my own, and rechristened the energy of that space the very day my Mommy came to clean up the trashed apartment he left in his wake on the last day of February when he moved out.
My Mommy brought my baby cat Cricket to live with me that day, and Cricket and I went on to live there a good while longer.
And that day, that lowest of lows, was a turning point. It was the day I decided no man was worth my safety. No man, no matter how long I’d known him, was worth giving up my self-respect.
I was done settling after that night.
Thankfully, mostly good men followed that purging of my life.
I am so grateful that I got to marry the best one.
Jared is the one who has tolerated living in the light 24 hours a day for years on end.
Jared is the one who answers the ghosts that aren’t there when I hear noises in the night.
And Jared is the one who wants nothing from me other than my happiness. He doesn’t ask me to be anything other than real, he doesn’t ask me to perform for him.
He only asks me to accept his love as a gift. And that it is: a gift.
And 25 years on: I know for a fact karma is real, as sad as that is to say in this particular instance.
Tonight I will go to bed safe, having worked on a new jute bag for most of the day.
And I will go to bed grateful for the new lease on life I got in 2001.
Also, randomness: I’m pretty darn good at Russian on Duolingo. Apparently there were hidden subconscious benefits to spending a good amount of time in my toddler years in a college language lab, as Russian, Greek, and Spanish are all fairly intuitive in addition to the French I did actually study.
And, there’s a new job to get ready for, and I am glad.
And it’s nearly tax season, and I am glad about that, too.
But, it’s bedtime. And with said job on the horizon, routine is becoming super-duper important.
And apparently my back is really messed up. I don’t know why my spine is a corkscrew, but it is.
Poor Abby has to have a dental on February 2; she has an infection in her mouth and will have to have several teeth pulled too. I guess that comes from us not brushing her teeth– sorry girl. She’s been a trooper but we finally got her to the vet today. I am so thankful my therapy dog only has to have a dental and it was nothing worse to worry about. I was afraid she had kidney issues.
Aside from the trip to the vet, it was a good day.
I’m thankful to be getting back into the headspace that I can concentrate on writing. It’s been a long winter and I am grateful that the fictionalized memoir is still a project on the horizon. It may take me a decade to write, but will be well-worth it.
Jared and I got in a fight today. And the content or reason is not important, nor is how it resolved other than to say that it is over now.
In the process, though, I found out something that reminded me of why Jared is my hero:
Before my October meeting with the man-who-shall-not-be-named, Jared sent said person a message demanding respect for me during said meeting.
Jared never told me a word about it, until the heat of the moment today, when I accused him of never standing up for me against said individual.
And that specific knowledge goes a long way toward both healing last December, and also making me feel very, very, very safe with my husband. It also rather dramatically explains that while verbal harassment occurred in October, physical boundaries were observed.
I’ve long known that Jared will go to bat, at great length, for me.
But knowing that he warned this particular individual as to protecting my safety, regardless of what actually happened, I am certain went a long way toward ensuring at least physical boundaries were observed.
I love my husband. Emotional and physical safety and protection are just two more reasons why. Indeed, they are the whole reason I chose Jared 22 years ago, when presented between the choice of the two of them.
I originally wrote this post in early February of this year, first posted on my personal Facebook profile and then published to a local group. It’s still an issue I feel very passionate about, and so, it’s time for it to make it to my blog. I don’t often step into activistic type shoes, but this is an issue I feel extraordinarily passionate about.
I have something to say about the picture above, and before I say it, I want to add a little context:
My family roots expand the entirety of the geography from rural Polk County to rural Henry County, Georgia, clear back to the early 1800s. As such, I am very very, very well aware of the interpersonal, social, and political dynamics at play that have brought us to this day and the situation as I see it.
My own personal work experience includes very behind the scenes work with organizations such as Atlanta Habitat for Humanity, Fernbank Museum, DFCS, and the AmeriCorps organization in a VISTA capacity (twice, actually), with both the American Red Cross and the Regional Commission network in conjunction with the State of Georgia, along with several private organizations from insurance companies to doing clerical and custodial work for a carpet cleaning company, and I’ve even done intermittent Door Dash in the last two years. My professional and lived experience spans a geographic area of approximately 950 miles, between here and Iowa. I have been a Carroll County resident for 36 of my 45 years.
And, I did happen to spend five years of my life doing a very intensive study of liberal arts subjects in a variety capacities at Georgia State University with religious studies being my major of choice.
As such, please do take note that I know a little bit of what I’m talking about both from a personal and a professional standpoint.
What follows is a repost of a post that I made yesterday on my personal Facebook page along with the corresponding picture that I’m posting here.
I might add that in addition to the personal correspondence that I sent Michelle Morgan approximately 3 weeks ago as I reference in this post, I did point out the value in anonymous volunteer contributions along with monetary support and professional photographic recognition, because of the fact that personally I take severe offense to the fact that her personal mode of operation is showing up for photographic opportunities and giving money to the causes that she supports without actually intervening personally in the work they are doing. Personal volunteer work is invaluable to character development and that is a cornerstone of my life’s work, so I do understand firsthand the impact of being very involved in the actual work of an organization in a volunteer capacity can have on one’s life, personally. I have been forever transformed by my own volunteer endeavors.
The whole way one acclimates and changes in this world is getting to know “the other,” in whatever capacity “the other” might show up in your personal life. I know that firsthand, too.
And you know, I also happen to know because I know my history. I know my personal family history. I know the history of area. I know my own personal history and understand the dynamics of what has brought me to believe in what I believe in. I know that Southern women are typically described as having innards of steel, and that is true for my spirit, undoubtedly. But in my particular case, it actually happens to be legitimate, biological fact that I have a great deal of stainless surgical steel in my body, so it is not just a metaphor for the fact that I will stand by my values and beliefs to any extent necessary.
It is high time that Carroll County, Georgia get its act together and live in the year 2025. I suspect the City of Carrollton itself began this process of reconciliation quite some number of years ago.
And for historical reference just for general knowledge purposes, the Confederate statue at the corner of that courthouse complex is not even a Confederate soldier, because the people who purchased it at the time only had the money for mass produced artifacts that were only tangentially representative of their views. It was very much a power-play, playing to the side of powerful angry white men whose status quo was being threatened at the time: the erection of that statue at that specific moment in history.
Know your history. Know your own personal history and confront your personal demons; know the history of your area, get to know your neighbors well– and your neighbors are not just the people who live literally next door to you.
We are all people and we have so much in common.
It is intense work but so very well worth it.
And I might add: the fact that I have the voice that I have now is very much a testament to the value of a liberal arts education, though my unique life and professional experience is what allows me to speak out and be particularly passionate about social justice.
Here is what I said in my Facebook post:
I have so many thoughts. I do understand that not everyone can dedicate five years of their lives to an intensive liberal arts education program like I did. However; I sincerely wish that 3-Day seminars on at least the Race and Ethnic Relations, Interpersonal Psychology, and half my religious studies classes but especially that preciously sacred Modern Judaism class…. I desperately wish that was all required seminar at both vocational and university levels, required by the Board of Regents for any degree receipt.
I actually wrote Michelle Morgan about this very issue approximately two weeks ago.
It is wholly inappropriate for any decoration to ever be placed on this lawn. Of any type.
It is highly disrespectful that the building is ever lit up with any light other than plain white light.
This building should be treated with the sacredness of a Holocaust museum because that is precisely the sacredness these grounds carry.
There shouldn’t even be office space in that building. It should be the place of silent tours as to the horrors of history of this County.
It is particularly appalling that the decorations face the side of the building that has the Confederate flag facade in the top middle, complete with its 13 stars, to this shameful day.
I’m done being quiet about bigoted and racist shenanigans. Done.
It is pure ignorance (or equally likely nefarious intolerance) that leads to places like this country we all love finds itself in today.
And, it is because liberal arts programs are being intentionally eliminated (I am sorry, I call it like I see it), that b.s. like this happens.
(Added in edits for this post: )
[The very nature of education in liberal arts areas of study is what allows for the very natural development of critical thinking skills: in other words, your ability to think for yourself and suss out what is worth absorbing information-wise in the world, and what is not.
And these programs are being eliminated nation-wide because certain segments of conservative powers that be do not want its citizens thinking critically for themselves, or being empowered to speak out. The intense progress in STEM areas of study is a convenient excuse to reinforce the elimination of these programs.
At least, to my educated observation, that is precisely what is happening.]
But, I am a law abiding tax paying business owner and resident (and added for this post: property owner) of this city and county.
So, I am going to exercise my voice as I see fit.
I tried to encourage enlightenment by suggesting diversity training to Michelle Morgan. My lovely friends with Fearless Dialogues would be the perfect match for the County Commission.
I tried to communicate this idea in the nicest way possible directly, in private.
Since my message was not considered, here it is in a more public forum.
If you are new around here, you can read more about me on my About page. Welcome!
Update October 2025: The lawn decor continues periodically.
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