Category: Memoir

  • Current Mood: Snowman

  • July 7, 2003

    Date: Mon 7 Jul 2003 10:32:30 -0700 (PDT)
    From: “Caroline Ellison” <cosettecie@yahoo.com>
    Subject: A not-so “Manic Monday”
    To: “Jared Price” <maxtheape@yahoo.com>

    Jared,

    I had a great time during our chat as well; the time really went by too fast! I did have a good visit with my grandparents; though I’ve only lived an hour or so away for most of my life, they love having me ten minutes down the road, and I go several times a week to have dinner with them.

    I look forward to hearing anything you’re willing to share about Jerusalem .I think the most intriguing thing I’ve heard from other people is visiting the Western Wall; the social dynamics of how strict they are about keeping the men and women separate fascinate me. But I’ve only heard the Jewish perspective on that; How does it work with the other faiths?

    My absolute favorite song in the entire world is Josh Groban and Charlotte Church’s version of “The Prayer”… :) Their voices make an incredible combination.

    Well, I’m calling it a short day at work today; during the week I do data entry, and I just can’t stare at the computer screen to edit our database anymore! It’s pretty deserted because lots of people are still on vacation. I love my job and the fact that it’s a flexible schedule, but the downside to that is that sometimes there’s little motivation to make myself stay all day!

    I hope we can chat again soon,

    Caroline
    ____________________________________________________________________

    You know, I abandoned my Yahoo email account probably about 2007, maybe earlier than that. I’ve long wondered what fragments of thoughts might be hanging out in those old archives.

    But I don’t wonder enough to hunt down wherever Yahoo data breaches have ended up to see if anyone was willing to fish around for it for me.

    Not that interesting.

    And anyway, I have a sizable amount of my old emails printed out. For instance, the one quoted above that I sent my now husband.

    But, I figure someone out there has access to my old cosettecie@yahoo.com archives, because someone in China pinged my Google Analytics yesterday with the precise time stamp as if they were trying to access a post like this on my blog.

    So since someone was so interested, or maybe even had read it already: here it is for the rest of the world.

    There’s other interesting tidbits in my Google Analytics; lots of nonsensical links that would naturally take someone to the search field on my 404 page. Which is why my 404 page is now customized with a photo of myself in my ex Chris’s foyer, holding Muffin, the cat that I gave him at some point in probably early 2003 after she nearly destroyed some very sentimental family items and scraped up my face and hands with a scar that I still have on my left hand, in fact.

    And, actually, someone or some bot simultaneously from Coshocton, Ohio, and Lake City, Florida, looked for /7-July-2003/ on my blog earlier today, as well. In fact, the Lake City, Florida visitor remained on my 404 page for three minutes and three seconds.

    So, whoever you are, if you have access to my old cosettecie@yahoo.com archives, good for you. I’m sure there’s a lot of heartache and happiness and just general drama around in those old archives, as that was one of my college emails. I feel really bad for you if you are stuck sorting through that melodrama on behalf of anyone.

    While you’re at it, you might as well hunt down my old Hotmail archives as well, I’m sure caroline_gsu@hotmail.com archives would be a read of melodramatic young adult drama, as well.

  • Current Mood

  • A Pivot

    Well, Christmas didn’t exactly go as planned.

    We planned to travel to go see family in Kansas City and Nebraska for the next ten days.

    Yesterday, we made it as far as Oneonta, Alabama before we decided we should stop at an urgent care for Covid, flu, and strep for Porter because he had a sore throat and no one we were going to visit needed to be exposed to sickness.

    Sure enough, Porter has strep. So, back home we went. Interesting 5 hour drive at least. And I’m glad we found out before we made it all the way to Memphis, which had been our original plan for seeking out an urgent care. The drive back from Alabama was much shorter than the original idea.

    Still, Christmas plans being thwarted is rarely the end of the world.

    Today we slept in and Jared and I went to Costco and Trader Joe’s for goodies. And boy, we did come home with goodies.

    And then tonight, after a predictable meltdown, I returned to creative brainstorming. Because: the gear puzzles in my brain will not stop turning. My brain naturally turns to creative problem-solving when left to its own devices, and my photography gear has been a problem for the last six months.

    When I sold off the second Fuji GFX 50sII and several lenses, and purchased the Fuji X-S20 and started contemplating moving more seriously back to the X series ecosystem, I hit a major creative wall when the first attempt to adapt the Cinelux 37.5mm lens to the X-S20 failed.

    It’s a technicality: When I originally cobbled together the adapter, I could not find a M65 to X Series adapter. I had no idea there was actually a company making them.

    So instead, I bought a M65 to M42 step down lens filter ring, and an M42 to FX adapter.

    And, I proceeded to have a massive meltdown when the lens wouldn’t focus on the X-S20 because the focal point was closer to the sensor than my lens could get. And I gave up, assuming the 37.5mm would only work on the GFX forever.

    However: there is a company making these adapters, and I have one on the way now.

    Which means, my dream of making my GFX be an exclusively monochrome camera while the X-S20 is the color version, shooting Cinelux lenses simultaneously……well, that dream is alive again.

    In my brainstorming, I have also realized exactly how stunted my creativity has been most of the late summer and Fall.

    And I know why that is, and I take it as a very good sign that my creativity is returning. Even if it is only taking the form of creative problem solving thus far, it makes me extremely happy to realize that maybe I am making substantive progress to leaving the past in the past.

    Even if the meltdowns have not completely stopped just yet. The meltdowns may never stop completely; it occurred to me that they may actually be a symptom of the PTSD. But today, I recovered enough to get excited about my art again and that is enough.

  • caroline price luxe

    I did a thing. 

    And all of a sudden, very easily, there is a photography business, complete with LLC and business license, and insurance, and all the things, all over again. 

    I paid for and picked up my occupational tax certificate on a trauma anniversary, and for most of the day, I was busy, occupied, and proud of myself. 

    Night comes, bedtime comes, and doubt creeps in. 

    It’s a sign that it is bedtime. 

    Caroline Price Luxe didn’t happen overnight. But, it did happen in less than ten days. It took less than 24 hours to have my occupational tax certificate in hand, actually. The city of Carrollton likes to facilitate the establishment of new businesses. 

    And Gemini helped me re-vamp my logo using my chosen blog colors and my chosen font (well, Gemini picked the sage in my blog colors too, when I provided the precise shade of pink I use, but that’s another story).

    And I haven’t forgotten for a single second what I was doing this time last year. And I wrote a Facebook post about it, but I’m not going to dwell here.

    Tonight I’m going to bed content that if I want to accept fees for a session I can, and the parameters for sessions are that my beloved Cinelux lenses be used. My Cinelux lenses are the gold standard for cinematic, timeless photography. Photographs made with these lenses look straight out of a movie because quite literally, these are large format movie projection lenses. 

    And tomorrow, I’m going to make a renewed commitment to attempting to live in the present. 

    After all, that’s all we really have. 

    The photo below is representative of what the best of the Cinelux lenses can do. It’s the photo I chose to announce the new venture on Instagram. Kaitlyn and Jonathan were so kind to model for me.

    In the coming weeks and months, there will be more model calls. The very nature of Caroline Price Luxe means that a brand new portfolio has to be built from scratch. If you are interested in participating, please inquire. 

    I’m ready.