Category: Marriage

  • July 7, 2003

    Date: Mon 7 Jul 2003 10:32:30 -0700 (PDT)
    From: “Caroline Ellison” <cosettecie@yahoo.com>
    Subject: A not-so “Manic Monday”
    To: “Jared Price” <maxtheape@yahoo.com>

    Jared,

    I had a great time during our chat as well; the time really went by too fast! I did have a good visit with my grandparents; though I’ve only lived an hour or so away for most of my life, they love having me ten minutes down the road, and I go several times a week to have dinner with them.

    I look forward to hearing anything you’re willing to share about Jerusalem .I think the most intriguing thing I’ve heard from other people is visiting the Western Wall; the social dynamics of how strict they are about keeping the men and women separate fascinate me. But I’ve only heard the Jewish perspective on that; How does it work with the other faiths?

    My absolute favorite song in the entire world is Josh Groban and Charlotte Church’s version of “The Prayer”… :) Their voices make an incredible combination.

    Well, I’m calling it a short day at work today; during the week I do data entry, and I just can’t stare at the computer screen to edit our database anymore! It’s pretty deserted because lots of people are still on vacation. I love my job and the fact that it’s a flexible schedule, but the downside to that is that sometimes there’s little motivation to make myself stay all day!

    I hope we can chat again soon,

    Caroline
    ____________________________________________________________________

    You know, I abandoned my Yahoo email account probably about 2007, maybe earlier than that. I’ve long wondered what fragments of thoughts might be hanging out in those old archives.

    But I don’t wonder enough to hunt down wherever Yahoo data breaches have ended up to see if anyone was willing to fish around for it for me.

    Not that interesting.

    And anyway, I have a sizable amount of my old emails printed out. For instance, the one quoted above that I sent my now husband.

    But, I figure someone out there has access to my old cosettecie@yahoo.com archives, because someone in China pinged my Google Analytics yesterday with the precise time stamp as if they were trying to access a post like this on my blog.

    So since someone was so interested, or maybe even had read it already: here it is for the rest of the world.

    There’s other interesting tidbits in my Google Analytics; lots of nonsensical links that would naturally take someone to the search field on my 404 page. Which is why my 404 page is now customized with a photo of myself in my ex Chris’s foyer, holding Muffin, the cat that I gave him at some point in probably early 2003 after she nearly destroyed some very sentimental family items and scraped up my face and hands with a scar that I still have on my left hand, in fact.

    And, actually, someone or some bot simultaneously from Coshocton, Ohio, and Lake City, Florida, looked for /7-July-2003/ on my blog earlier today, as well. In fact, the Lake City, Florida visitor remained on my 404 page for three minutes and three seconds.

    So, whoever you are, if you have access to my old cosettecie@yahoo.com archives, good for you. I’m sure there’s a lot of heartache and happiness and just general drama around in those old archives, as that was one of my college emails. I feel really bad for you if you are stuck sorting through that melodrama on behalf of anyone.

    While you’re at it, you might as well hunt down my old Hotmail archives as well, I’m sure caroline_gsu@hotmail.com archives would be a read of melodramatic young adult drama, as well.

  • A Pivot

    Well, Christmas didn’t exactly go as planned.

    We planned to travel to go see family in Kansas City and Nebraska for the next ten days.

    Yesterday, we made it as far as Oneonta, Alabama before we decided we should stop at an urgent care for Covid, flu, and strep for Porter because he had a sore throat and no one we were going to visit needed to be exposed to sickness.

    Sure enough, Porter has strep. So, back home we went. Interesting 5 hour drive at least. And I’m glad we found out before we made it all the way to Memphis, which had been our original plan for seeking out an urgent care. The drive back from Alabama was much shorter than the original idea.

    Still, Christmas plans being thwarted is rarely the end of the world.

    Today we slept in and Jared and I went to Costco and Trader Joe’s for goodies. And boy, we did come home with goodies.

    And then tonight, after a predictable meltdown, I returned to creative brainstorming. Because: the gear puzzles in my brain will not stop turning. My brain naturally turns to creative problem-solving when left to its own devices, and my photography gear has been a problem for the last six months.

    When I sold off the second Fuji GFX 50sII and several lenses, and purchased the Fuji X-S20 and started contemplating moving more seriously back to the X series ecosystem, I hit a major creative wall when the first attempt to adapt the Cinelux 37.5mm lens to the X-S20 failed.

    It’s a technicality: When I originally cobbled together the adapter, I could not find a M65 to X Series adapter. I had no idea there was actually a company making them.

    So instead, I bought a M65 to M42 step down lens filter ring, and an M42 to FX adapter.

    And, I proceeded to have a massive meltdown when the lens wouldn’t focus on the X-S20 because the focal point was closer to the sensor than my lens could get. And I gave up, assuming the 37.5mm would only work on the GFX forever.

    However: there is a company making these adapters, and I have one on the way now.

    Which means, my dream of making my GFX be an exclusively monochrome camera while the X-S20 is the color version, shooting Cinelux lenses simultaneously……well, that dream is alive again.

    In my brainstorming, I have also realized exactly how stunted my creativity has been most of the late summer and Fall.

    And I know why that is, and I take it as a very good sign that my creativity is returning. Even if it is only taking the form of creative problem solving thus far, it makes me extremely happy to realize that maybe I am making substantive progress to leaving the past in the past.

    Even if the meltdowns have not completely stopped just yet. The meltdowns may never stop completely; it occurred to me that they may actually be a symptom of the PTSD. But today, I recovered enough to get excited about my art again and that is enough.

  • this man is my hero

    Jared and I got in a fight today. And the content or reason is not important, nor is how it resolved other than to say that it is over now.

    In the process, though, I found out something that reminded me of why Jared is my hero:

    Before my October meeting with the man-who-shall-not-be-named, Jared sent said person a message demanding respect for me during said meeting.

    Jared never told me a word about it, until the heat of the moment today, when I accused him of never standing up for me against said individual.

    And that specific knowledge goes a long way toward both healing last December, and also making me feel very, very, very safe with my husband. It also rather dramatically explains that while verbal harassment occurred in October, physical boundaries were observed.

    I’ve long known that Jared will go to bat, at great length, for me.

    But knowing that he warned this particular individual as to protecting my safety, regardless of what actually happened, I am certain went a long way toward ensuring at least physical boundaries were observed.

    I love my husband. Emotional and physical safety and protection are just two more reasons why. Indeed, they are the whole reason I chose Jared 22 years ago, when presented between the choice of the two of them.

  • thankful

    Arapaho National Forest

    I am aware that most of the time in writing at least, I am the bringer of doom-and-gloom.

    Today, though, I am grateful.

    I have a gratitude practice that I do most days in my journal app. I just don’t publish it because most of the time it has things that I wouldn’t necessarily want the world to know.

    Here’s today’s gratitude list:

    1. I am grateful for Jared.
    2. I am grateful for my marriage to Jared.
    3. I am grateful for Porter.
    4. I am grateful for Liam.
    5. I am grateful for Oliver.
    6. I am grateful for Abby.
    7. I am grateful for Trixie.
    8. I am grateful for Mow.
    9. I am grateful for Nancy.
    10. I am grateful for Bess.
    11. I am grateful for my side of the family.
    12. I am grateful for Jared’s side of the family.
    13. I am grateful Jared has a good job.
    14. I am grateful our kids are getting stellar education.
    15. I am grateful Porter has a safe place to live in Athens.
    16. I am grateful Liam got into UGA.
    17. I am grateful Oliver had such a good time doing the play, “Oliver” at school.
    18. I am grateful that all three of our children are healthy.
    19. I am grateful that we have a home.
    20. I am grateful that we have a nice home.
    21. I am grateful that we have reliable transportation.
    22. I am grateful that Jared and the boys helped me clean up our house yesterday.
    23. I am grateful we are all physically able to clean and do household chores.
    24. I am grateful we have enough to eat.
    25. I am grateful for good friends.
    26. I am grateful for our church family.
    27. I am grateful to be a photographer.
    28. I am grateful to like to write.
    29. I am grateful to be learning to leave the past in the past.
    30. I am grateful we can pay our bills.
    31. I am grateful that I am learning to like living in Carrollton more.
    32. I am grateful Porter and Liam have their driver’s licenses.
    33. I am grateful Porter and Liam are good drivers.
    34. I am grateful to be having Costco deli Mac and cheese for lunch today.
    35. I am grateful to be alive.
    36. I am grateful to be 46 years old.
    37. I am grateful to have learned a lot about caring for my mental health over my adult lifetime.
    38. I am grateful for healing.
    39. I am grateful for time alone to think.
    40. I am grateful to have been married to Jared for 20 years.
    41. I am grateful for good choices.
    42. I am grateful for a good night’s sleep.
    43. I am grateful that my whole family has enough clothes to wear.
    44. I am grateful for my education.
    45. I am grateful for appreciating history: my own, my family’s, and the broader world.
    46. I am grateful I was a religious studies major.
    47. I am grateful it’s not too late.
    48. I am grateful for my life.
    49. I am grateful for love.
    50. I am grateful that today is a good day.

    And with that, I am going to focus on today, today.

    I wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving.