Category: Happy

  • hair story these days

    Me in June of 2021

    ***This post contains affiliate links***

    Time for some shallowness and navel-gazing (not that all my posts aren’t mostly navel-gazing)….

    The photo above is me in June of 2021. I’d shaved my head in July of 2020 after I bleached my hair beyond repair the month before. I was probably also 50 pounds heavier at the time.

    Just so people know…..if you decide to ever shave your hair you might love it. But also know: working through the first little 3 inches or so of grow-out phase is really, really, really hard. Which is why I was mostly bald and had super short hair through June of 2022. Just saying.

    It’s been a process, honestly probably, shaving my hair was an awesome thing to do because in the process, I learned how to cut my hair myself.

    I’ve had probably 4 professional haircuts in the last 3 years total…..I had one in June of 2025 and the one before that was in July of 2024.

    Just so y’all know….Justin Hickox on YouTube is great for videos on how to cut and give basic small layers in fine hair like mine.

    I picked up some regular cutting shears, and some texturizing shears. And while my hair was super short I was still using Jared’s trimmers on my neck.

    Secret fact that’s not so secret: I still mostly use the trimmers sometimes to cut my hair, especially now that I mostly want a blunt cut. It’s a lot easier to get a straight line in the back holding the mirror.

    Layers can be cute for short hair but the last time I had nearly shoulder length hair my hair looked so thin and I know now it was because it had entirely too many long layers in it. That might change if my hair gets beyond shoulder length, but not holding my breath on that. I’m aging and my hair is thinner and graying in odd places, which also makes it look thinner.

    As far as products, it has been an evolving system.

    For a long time I was using the entire L’Oreal Professionnel Pro Longer System.

    Now, I use plain V05 shampoo from Walmart (I think it’s $1.99), and Trader Joe’s 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. I wash once with the V05 and once with the 3-in-1.

    My hair tends to look greasy fast with heavy conditioners. I do use the L’Oreal Pro Longer conditioner every once in a while since I still have some….but probably not more than once every two weeks.

    I’ve never been one to really use leave-in conditioners, but I picked up some Mixed Chicks leave-in conditioner at Publix and I do actually kind of love it. My hair is mostly straight but as it gets longer it has a sort of wave in the underside of it. But regardless, the Mixed Chicks conditioner is by far the lightest conditioner I’ve found.

    Now, I use the Mixed Chicks conditioner most days, and I mostly focus on the hair below my ears.

    Very occasionally I also do still use L’Oreal Elvive 8 Second Wonder Water in place of a conditioner, but I do this even less often than I do the L’Oreal Pro Longer conditioner at this point. I like it and it takes only a very tiny little bit with with my hair still being just below chin length, but I just don’t feel like I need it very often.

    I’ve stopped using most of the L’Oreal Pro Longer line, but the one product I will continue to use daily is the L’Oreal Pro Longer Heat Protectant Cream. It is pricy but it is a 10-in-1 and I love the way it makes my hair feel. I mostly focus on the hair below my ears with this too, but I am less worried about it with this product.

    I will say, with both the Mixed Chicks and the L’Oreal Heat Protectant…a very little bit goes a very long way, which is why I don’t mind the higher price.

    Now that my hair is longer I am also back to using Kenra Sugar Beach Spray 7 as a texturizing spray instead of a salt spray. I like the way this make my hair feel too, and it adds a little body.

    Best of all: I was a militant curling iron user from my teen years clear through adulthood.

    I wish I’d stopped long enough to pay attention to my hair’s natural behavior to see that all I have to do is point the hair dryer at my ends and my hair curls under naturally. I don’t really even have to use a brush to get it to look that way. I guess it’s the natural wave, but it’s way easier on my hair than the curling iron is, for sure.

    My goal for this season is to resist trims until after Christmas. That’s the issue with having the hair cutting tools and knowhow at home: It’s really easy to just pick up the shears and go at it, but that means less length over time. It’s why despite letting my hair grow since 2023, it’s still just under chin length.

    So anyway, that’s the hair story these days.

    If you’re new around here, you can read about me here. Have a great day!

  • the search

    The Marina this morning

    Once upon a time, there was a girl who was out looking for herself.

    She looked everywhere. She looked back in time.

    She looked in her hometown.

    She looked in far off places.

    And there was a boy who held her hand the whole time.

    And he reminded her that she was enough, that she mattered.

    And he reminded her, daily, that he loved her.

    And, one evening, holding the boy’s hand at the Marina in the picture above, she briefly snapped out of her fragile venture for meaning to see that it was right there, with her, holding her hand, the whole time.

  • absent but busy

    I’ve been quiet because it’s been busy around these parts.

    October 2 was our 21st engagement anniversary. We went to Sutton’s for dinner– yummy pecan chicken fingers! And we went to watch band practice. Jared got me the cutest little bunch of sunflowers, leaving them to surprise me as I walked in the door from my ladies’ group.

    Friday came the sad news that Eats in Atlanta is closing effective October 18. Makes me sad, but then I read a little and found out that the pasta bar– the station that I’d picked up the only thing I’d eat there– pasta with olive oil and garlic– had closed with the pandemic and never re-opened. So, we are not trying to go one last time before they close. It does make me sad, though.

    Late Friday night was preparation for the yard sale that we had Saturday. It was mostly a flop, we made a grand total of $17. But it was still a massive win because we borrowed my Mama’s truck and hauled off every last little bit of the stuff we had out, either to the convenience center or Goodwill. Not a bit of it came back in the house. So our garage can park both cars in it again, which is a massive, massive win. I am thankful. Goal achieved.

    Mostly since Saturday has been recuperating from Saturday.

    But, I am back to having a laundry day! Per Dana at A Slob Comes Clean, you don’t really know how much dirty laundry you have in a week until at least the second week, and that proved true since this is the second week. Mondays are laundry day and I was able to get all our clothes laundry plus all the towels clean today, so massive win. Everything is put away.

    I’ve been making dietary changes, too. My T3 is low– my endocrinologist wants to repeat the labs now that I have stopped drinking Athletic Greens– but I think my body is just not converting T4 to T3 as efficiently anymore, and I don’t know why that is but I’m going to my primary care doc to investigate at my next physical because I don’t know that the endocrinologist is going to be that helpful.

    I’m not waiting for my physical in December, though. I have gone mostly for an anti-inflammatory type diet. Today’s breakfast was a smoothie with a banana (a whole one, and yes! I chopped it in and put it in myself– those of you who know me will know what a big deal that is), a cup of wild blueberries, a cup of almond milk, and a cup of powdered spinach (!) (and yes, I drank the whole thing, really. Those who know will know how big a deal that is, too). And I downed a couple of tablespoons of sunflower seeds with the smoothie.

    Lunch was my beloved almond flour crackers, along with a 1/4 cup serving of walnut pieces.

    Snack was a 1/2 cup of banza pasta with 1 tablespoon of olive oil.

    And dinner was half a container of egg whites, which equates to about 5 egg whites’ worth.

    It’s a far cry from my preferred bread and cheese fare. And I still have goat cheese in the fridge, but it will have to be an occasional treat now.

    Only really two days in (well, Friday and Saturday sort of counted until I threw in a Little Caesar’s Italian Cheese Bread in Saturday night and a strawberry banana smoothie from Costco which sounds good but has 25g added sugar), but I am feeling pretty good. It’s not going to be able to be an all-or nothing kind of diet– I cannot do this forever without little treats occasionally. But progress counts, right?

    So that’s where I am….still fantasizing about sugar and cheese. But much less grumpy and for once, not depressed.

    Also, the hell-beast cats have been released from their captivity and Nancy seems none-the-worse for wear.

    Anybody want a cat or two? For real?

  • my house is my self-esteem

    I trimmed back the hedges in the bed in front of our front porch this morning. Prior to trimming, they hedges were taller than the porch railing– that whole brush pile in the walkway is what I cut back. I even toted the brush pile to the street for pickup by myself!

    It’s for sure becoming apparent that the state of my self-esteem can absolutely be measured by how well I am tending to my house, or how interested I am in tending to my house.

    This morning, despite a late night waiting for Liam to get home, I managed to get Oliver to school, started towels (towels and sheets don’t count toward laundry day), have kept towels going all day so far. I did my morning meditation with my Calm app and did 20 minutes on my stationary bike (20 minutes instead of 30 because I haven’t done it in at least a month and a half and am really out of shape all over again).

    It’s time for some serious yard attention now that it is Fall. My goal yet this afternoon is still to get out and mow a section of the yard. But this morning, I managed to trim back those bushes you see in the photo above all by myself. That’s kind of a thing because I normally leave that sort of yard work to Jared– getting me to mow or blow off the driveway is usually cause for celebration enough.

    But I care about how our house looks and feels again, and the whole hedge trimming project took about 30 minutes total. I had to come in and rest after, and so here I am writing while I get up my energy to go mow, after having had a snack for lunch.

    But here’s the thing: Somewhere along the way in 2010 or so, I just utterly snapped. And I have floundered at times and I have done okay at times, and I have mostly been able to be social when out in public all along.

    But inside, I’ve felt defeated. I looked back on my school days both in grade school and high school and undergrad, and I did have quite a bit of academic promise. And then in my early career I had such interesting, impactful employment.

    And then, I had a very public episode and, job after job, the career-type promise went away.

    And I am doing my best to build back. Looking back now I can see for so many years I was grasping for instant repair.

    There is no instant repair for the kinds of trauma and mood issues I’ve dealt with in my life. In fact, I’ve run away from the kinds of healing that would really help, at times.

    So here I am, in late 2025, and I realize now that the next perfect job is not going to fix my heartbreak. The latest camera gear is certainly not going to fix my heart. The best thing I can do for myself is remind myself that I am capable. And there’s no better way to do that than to do what needs to be done– what I have been running from– and that is to tend to my home and family.

    Aside: waking up this morning with the new sheers was amazing. I was in the bed until 7 and the light was just starting to come up, and the uniform light entering the house, growing little by little as the minutes went by, was balm for my soul. That was exactly what I needed, and I am thrilled with the effect. Letting my body work with the sun is also good for my soul and mental health.

    Every day won’t be perfect. I know I have to expect depression to come back with its darkness again.

    But it seems to be true: When I want to run from my house, when I want to start over, it’s not really about the house. It’s about myself.

  • a good day

    Atlanta fine art photographer


    No pretty pictures from the day. This is a photo from 2013, 3 houses ago.

    But one night sleeping without coverings on the double doors, and new window treatments are on the way.

    I spent the day ironing. Lots and lots of ironing.

    But, all the windows have their new treatments. I am happy.

    And, all of a sudden, I am re-invested in my house.

    And maybe hyped up a little bit that I actually have an interest in (and have completed) a project.

    I am so very, relieved to love my house again. It’s been quite a long time.

    Today, I feel like I’ve been a good wife and mother.

    I worked my tail off today, no joke. I didn’t sit down much.

    And, while I was ironing window treatments, I also finished laundry day.

    Laundry day doesn’t have to be one day, as Dana from A Slob Comes Clean says. And she’s right.

    In our case, laundry day actually wasn’t that bad. It started half-heartedly on Monday since I didn’t think of it until halfway through the morning and only worked on it a little bit (I always like to have laundry day be Monday) and it will end about 10:30 PM tonight, when the last load finishes in the dryer and I am able to get everything put away.

    And now I don’t have to think about clothes laundry for the rest of the week.

    Sheets will be another thing: I should get all the sheets in the house cleaned sooner than later.

    I think tomorrow will be another good run through the floors and putting the clutter in the primary bedroom away.

    At some point in the next couple of weeks I have to get to Porter’s room finally.

    I was listening to one of the many podcasts I listen to today and somebody said (I cannot remember which podcast) that the state of your home mirrors the state of your mind.

    In my case, that’s probably 100% true. There’s lots of dust, and clutter, and dirty laundry and dirty floors in my head, too.

    It was a good day. Oliver was inducted into the National Junior Beta Club, and we got to see the live broadcast of the CHS Trojan Band on the Gradick Sports Facebook page when we got home. They did such a great job, like they always do.

    It’s harder for me to be charitable about Central, my alma mater. The inside jokes are tired and they are inside jokes from well after my time. It’s hard to feel like an outside as an alum from my own band. But it’s been the case for a decade or more.

    I got to meet Oliver’s new girlfriend and family. They seem nice.

    Yes, my 6th grader has a girlfriend. *sigh* We managed to skip these things with the big boys, and are still so far even. It’s not even Oliver’s first girlfriend.

    I have tried, however, to encourage all of my children to not get into serious relationships until well after high school. I speak from experience on how that can go really, really, really awfully bad. Most of you probably know that story and if you don’t I think I made another post about it here somewhere.

    At any rate, I will go to bed tired tonight. And I desperately hope I wake up in such a state that I can do it all over again tomorrow.

    You can read more about my angsty self here.