Twenty years ago today, my husband Jared asked me to marry him.
I didn’t say yes when he asked me. I took the ring to show my boss, who was standing, watching what was happening. Jared had to remind me that I hadn’t actually said yes.
I’d given up on Jared; I remember a heavy, resigned feeling when I called him the morning of Saturday, October 2, 2004, and got his answering machine instead of him when I called him before work that day. I didn’t know that he was on the way to get on a plane to come see me.
We lived in different states; Jared lived in Iowa and I lived in Georgia. We’d had a long distance relationship for a little over a year at that point.
I was impatient, which is why I was giving up on the relationship; I would have been engaged to him months earlier. It was important to him to date at least a year before he proposed.
So, Jared ordered a planter of irises from a local florist in McDonough, and had my Dad go pick them up for him to meet him at my parents’ house. Over lunch at Pizza Hut, Jared told my parents about his plans and asked specifically for their blessing, not their permission. My Mother asked to see the ring, but Jared told her he thought I should see it first.
Then, Mapquest maps in hand with his rental car, Jared found his way to the Museum where I was working at the time, in Atlanta. My friend Amy met him and they delivered the irises to the administrative offices for me to come pick up, then Amy escorted Jared down to the basement where my desk was. Jared hid in an office down the hallway while me and a guy friend passed by, because the irises were too heavy for me to carry.
The card on the irises had said “Soon, Sweetheart, Very Soon,” and I knew exactly what that meant. And I remember looking with a sort of bewildered terror in my boss’s eyes, as I explained that I was pretty sure Jared was about to propose. Jared had already been in the office, though, because he was going to hide in an adjacent cubicle but there was none. I had been describing my desk area as my “cubie,” but it was really just a desk in an open room with two half wall dividers on either side. Zero privacy and no place to hide.
So, Jared made his way to hide behind another door down the hall to wait for me. I sat back down at my desk, and here comes Jared around the corner, dressed in a suit with a single rose in his hand, and he got down on his knee to ask me to marry him and present me with a ring.
I knew we had an audience and that made me very nervous. I said yes once my attention had been redirected, of course.
The problem was that there was a fundraiser gala that night, that I had responsibilities for, and so we had limited time because it was nearly time for me to get ready. Jared was in a suit, but he says now that was for me, not because he expected to be able to stay at work for the function with me. So, I took a dinner break and Jared and I went down the street to Panera for a quick dinner. Then, I sent him on his way to report back to my parents that I had indeed said yes.
So I spent most of the evening of Saturday, October 2, 2004, doing whatever little duties I had for the Museum, but mostly ogling over my new jewelry and showing it off.
It was a life-transforming decision, saying yes to Jared’s proposal.
For a long, long time I dreaded the anniversary of this day every year. It was not my dream proposal: we weren’t alone, and it wasn’t an environment we can really ever re-visit now that I am no longer employed there. Worse, it was witnessed by a person who went on to be not a very nice person to me later. And I long lamented the fact that there were no photos of us from that night, and the fact that I’d had to work, and had to send him away for the evening. Jared had to hear about that for a lot of years. I’m not proud of it, but it is what it is. I have mostly made my peace. And I do still like to mark the day.
Twenty years. It has been wonderful and hard and painful and unexpected and exquisite and beautiful and all the things that a marriage is. Jared spoils me in attention, love, and things. He teaches me more about patience and simplicity every day. He helps teach me to not take things for granted. Jared takes care of me both when I am well and when I am unwell, and he is my protector. He holds my hand both at home when it’s just us and when we’re out and about doing simple things like shopping for groceries. He forms his life and priorities around our life together, around my desires.
Jared calls me “Doodles,” a nickname he gave me about the time I got unexpectedly pregnant with Oliver, our youngest.
And so today, twenty years after that proposal, Jared took the day off. We started our day by taking the photo above. We went on a drive to Newnan, we bought a book Liam needed for school, we looked unsuccessfully for shoes for Jared, and we had lunch at Panera. Then we came a long way home, went out and got Burger King ice cream cones, and did find shoes for me while we waited to pick the boys up from school. We renewed our library cards and found new reads, and did some grocery shopping. And now we are watching The 100, the show we are currently bingeing.
Jared teaches me something new every day. Today’s lesson was to find joy every day in the small things. It’s something I struggle with.
I don’t quite know what I did to snag this wonderful man’s attention so long ago, but I will be forever grateful that I did. And there may not be a photo of us from that night twenty years ago, but there is a pretty darn good photo of us from today. Standing in front of our beautiful home, my dream home.
