Category: Expressive

  • journals, graduation, and photography

    journals, graduation, and photography

    Porter in his isolette probably around August 30, 2006, in NICU Bay 20 at the University of Iowa Hospital

    Journals, Graduation, and Photography — I’ve been using Bear as my journal software for well over a year now (several years on and off, actually), but this weekend I picked up a hardbound paper journal to write in.

    I’ve noticed that my handwriting has become pretty atrocious. It was particularly bad when I had to write Porter’s senior letter to him in April. I never had just gorgeous handwriting, but it used to be pleasant enough. Now it sort of just looks like messy chicken scratch.

    It’s graduation week! Porter graduates on Friday, unless the weather looks bad and they move graduation to Saturday.

    Porter has an IB stole, a National Honor Society stole, a Spanish National Honor Society cord, a band cord, a dual enrollment cord, and an honor graduate cord. He has so much swag for his cap and gown! I’m so very proud of Porter.

    I keep saying this, and it remains true: I am struggling to establish a blogging routine. I am struggling with my identity as a blogger and photographer, truth be told. When it comes to journals, graduation, and photography, I’ve made a lot of quiet modifications to this site recently, and I’m happy with them, but I’ve struggled with creating more content. I struggle to sit down and write with an audience in mind. If I’m writing to my journal, I can literally write all day long.

    The situation is not helped by the fact that I am taking very few personal photos these days. My days are filled up with exercise, housework, and being a mom-chauffeur. These are not the things that make for much creative photography. Maybe I should bake more, or go for nature walks more, or just go on a random photo walk more. Yes, I know I should do all these things.

    Journals, Graduation, and Photography

    What is happening is an existential mid-life crisis, I know this. I’ve struggled to establish an identity for myself outside my previous professional life, and once I had sort of established myself as a blogger of sorts, I decided to take the plunge into professional photography. Semi-halfway, anyway.

    I am a scattered mess. I know this about myself.

    Jared is encouraging, constantly reassuring me that I am enough just as I am, without a proper job, without any particular aim or theme to my life. I am very lucky to have a husband who loves me as I am, and literally the only thing he wants from me is for me to be happy.

    So what is happening with photography? I am still a photographer. I have two weddings left on the calendar for the year in 2024, and I would happily take on more bookings if they come my way. However, I am equally happy to use my camera and lenses for personal use. It makes little sense to dissolve the photography business proper; my actual only business expenses are not that high all things considered. And I have shut down and re-opened the business enough to know that I will want to re-open again.

    Journals, graduation, and photography– all is well. I just need to keep telling myself this fact.

  • spring break and reining in

    spring break and reining in

    It’s been some time since I wrote, aiming to adjust that pattern.

    My website remains unchanged, but I’m shifting away from promoting myself solely as a wedding photographer.

    I am, at my core, a photographer, always with a camera nearby.

    I halted all forms of social media advertising in January and won’t be investing in more. I’ll focus on growing my client base naturally.

    There’s a Senior in the House!

    Life has been a whirlwind lately, particularly with a senior in the family! Porter has been accepted into four colleges, waitlisted for two, and after considering his options, he’s decided to attend Georgia State University, my alma mater. I’m incredibly proud of him regardless of his choice.

    Liam has applied to join the IB program at his high school, which is another achievement I’m proud of.

    Oliver’s teacher recently called to commend his excellent behavior throughout the year, aside from occasional chattiness, which is typical of Oliver. I’m proud of his academic achievements as well.

    We had an enjoyable Spring Break, visiting family in Kansas City. Although I didn’t take many photos other than with my phone, the boys had a blast indoor skydiving. Oliver is already eager to try it again, so we might visit the iFly in Atlanta soon.

    I’m striving to strike a balance between respecting the privacy of my older children and sharing family updates.

    Spring Break and Reining In

    Writing has become a struggle for me lately. This post may seem self-indulgent, as much of my writing tends to be.

    It’s not that my life has become less interesting; for some reason, I’ve grown more guarded as I’ve gotten older.

    February was challenging, but March was better, and now I’m gradually settling into a daily routine after a couple of turbulent years.

    Two Years of Depression

    I’ve been emerging from a dark period of depression over the past two years, gradually reclaiming fragments of myself.

    Two years ago, we spent the last of our proceeds from selling our previous home on repairs to our current one, including the chimney. I also tried my hand at a traveling daycare photography job, which was physically demanding and not a good fit for me. Despite the challenges, I enjoyed traveling solo during that time, visiting places like Idaho, Utah, Oregon, and Florida.

    My visit to Florida, particularly Tampa, likely contributed to my depression. It was only my second visit to Tampa, unrelated to seeing someone from my past.

    Spring Break and Reining In

    Despite the challenges, there’s been significant personal growth, and many positive changes have occurred. Our marriage is stronger, and my photography skills have improved. We’ve also found a church community we love.

    I continue to photograph weddings on a part-time basis and accept other sessions by request. While I experimented with newborn photography, I realized it’s not my forte.

    Oliver Turned Ten!

    The week leading up to Oliver’s birthday was particularly enjoyable. According to Jared, it was because I reclaimed some control over my life. I established a cleaning routine, and our home remained tidy all week. Additionally, I had the opportunity to take photos at my friend Johnny’s studio; one of the pictures in this post is from that visit. Johnny played a significant role in my photography journey, and his business, Rough Cut Designs, produces exceptional work.

    I’m feeling a strong urge to streamline various aspects of my life, including my photography. Although I’ve found a camera setup I love, I struggle with the temptation to downsize. The need for two cameras for weddings prevents me from selling any gear.

    However, I’m uncertain about expanding our garage into a photography studio. My desire for it has waned, but my love for wedding photography remains strong. I am still in love with poring over Haley and Larry’s wedding photos!

    I yearn for opportunities to photograph flowers in our yard or to purchase flowers specifically for photography. I crave routine and simply holding my camera at times.

    Oliver’s tenth birthday weekend was enjoyable but challenging due to the abundance of junk food. Despite sending some food home with his friends after the party, there were leftovers. Fortunately, the boys consumed most of the cookies during our Kansas City trip, leaving none to bring back home. Spring break and the process of reining in various aspects of my life continue to be a journey.

  • getting the house straight

    getting the house straight

    Getting the House Straight– So….I am in the process of cleaning up our messy (and dirty) house for the first time in a good while. I started in earnest last night.

    I need motivation and accountability in this process. When I get depressed, all housework goes by the wayside. We slip into survival mode.

    I first found A Slob Comes Clean in 2018. Listening to Dana K. White’s journey to a clean house system and organization inspired me so much that it worked well at the Holmes Drive house.

    I am determined to get our current house in order.

    First up is the kitchen. The microwave on our microwave/oven combination unit is broken. So we have a second microwave in the kitchen currently, sitting on the counter.

    I don’t use the desk in the kitchen for anything other than sorting mail. So I am going to move the coffeemaker and the microwave over to that area. That area will house our printer, the coffeemaker, and the microwave. Our mail and to-do stack of papers will also live there.

    I thought about picking up a mail sorter or something else to mount to the wall for storing to-do papers. But we have a drawer in that desk unit that doesn’t have a lot of contents. So I think I will start having the boys (they get the mail every day) put the mail in that drawer from now on. Then it’s not just sitting out until I can deal with it.

    Getting the House Straight

    Next up will be to de-clutter my bedroom with Jared. It’s all my junk. I have a lifelong habit of just throwing my stuff anywhere until I go on a marathon-cleaning session.

    The boys’ rooms all need pretty major attention. But Porter has said he wants to handle it himself. So, his room will have to wait until he has gone off to college at this point, probably.

    After the house is relatively clean and tidy, next up will come the finishing of unpacking and organizing the boxes of stuff in the standing crawlspace under the house.

    The goal for the standing crawlspace area is for it to house only outdoor and yard tools. The goal is to free up the closet that holds those things in the garage.

    The garage is going to be my photo studio. The closet that currently holds all of the yard and outdoor tools will be a changing area for the studio, eventually.

    Once the standing crawlspace and that closet in the garage are all sorted out, I will work on the studio in more earnest. There’s still paint, finishing the floor, and putting up decorative tiles on the ceiling in the studio.

    But, all that has to wait until the inside of the house is dealt with.

    You can read more about me here.

  • i love ynab!

    i love ynab!

    I love YNAB! You Need a Budget is the budgeting software Jared and I have been using since early 2013.

    YNAB uses a zero-based budget which means you budget every dollar you have. You can set up custom categories, and track all of your financial accounts. The software is made to link to your accounts, though I do not have it set up this way because I like to put in every transaction manually, like an old-school check register.

    Our categories are pretty basic and haven’t changed much over the years, since we started. There is a Giving section, subdivided into Charitable Giving (my favorites are Atlanta Habitat and the Atlanta Ronald McDonald House) and Offerings for church. Next is a section for credit card payments, subdivided by each card. Credit cards are debt, but there is a separate Debt section subdivided into our Car Payment and Mortgage.

    Next is Savings, subdivided into Emergency Savings, Home Maintenance, Auto Maintenance, Vacation, and Boy Allowance. After that is Monthly Bills, which includes Electric and Gas, Water and Trash, Insurance, Phone, Internet, Entertainment (which includes all our streaming services), and Web Hosting.

    Then comes Every Day Expenses, which includes Groceries, Restaurants, Gas for the car, Medical, Clothing, Personal Grooming (Haircuts), Pet Care, Date Night, School Expenses, and Surprises. Interest on the credit cards gets lumped into Surprises.

    Next is a section for Business Expenses— Jared’s work expenses,and my photography business expenses.

    Finally, comes Annual Expenses. This includes Gifts, Safe Deposit Box Fee, Car Registration, Christmas, Taxes (this mostly refers to my estimated taxes), memberships (this includes the recreation center when our membership is current, along with Amazon Prime), and Family Photos.

    As you put in transactions and categorize them, YNAB automatically adjusts category amounts accordingly.

    You can set target amounts, both by total amount and by the monthly amount needed, which is supposed to help those who want to forecast. Sometimes I cheat and forecast a month or two anyway, though, based on anticipated income and any goals we may have.

    Anyway, this is our budgeting software and how I have it set up! I love YNAB!

    You can read more about why I write about what I write about here, especially when I write about my budgeting strategies.