Tag: blog

  • Bye Analytics, It’s Been Fun

    Some one (or more likely, some bot, or maybe some bot programmed by someone though that is a stretch I know) has been really interested in finding old content on this blog, content that doesn’t exist on this blog because it is old content that I wrote years ago at both other hosting, on other domain names.

    And admittedly, I’ve let the mystery drive me nuts for several weeks now. But the game is getting tired, and honestly, I have much better things to do. And it’s stopped me from doing what I really like to do anyway, which is take pictures and write.

    And we’ve tossed, Jared and I, theories around. Could it be someone poking around at my old Tickle the Sun domain? Not possible at the moment, as that points to Substack. And, I didn’t even own carolineprice.com the domain name until 2020 or so, or maybe 2021 (I don’t remember), but I know it was at least March of 2020 because we were sitting in the office (which was the dining room really) of the Holmes Drive house, while Jared was working remotely during the pandemic, when I bought that domain. So the content, which I did write and which these are titles or names of pictures of content that I did write, was never hosted at this domain name.

    And I’ve never had solid luck uploading old XML files with old blog posts into new iterations of a blog, so I gave up on that probably 5 years or so more ago now.

    So, my best guess is that someone somewhere out there has taken to the Wayback Machine to look at my old blog posts, and somehow those are being fed into some bot that is scraping my current site to see if any of it is active.

    Why? I have no idea. I can only think of one person with the motive and expendable finances to do something like this, and that person hardly needs to haunt my analytics in some backward attempt to find. a way to make me look more unstable. I manage to freely admit that fact myself.

    And so….. with that, I’m giving up the ghost and while I am not unhooking Google Analytics, I’m certainly going to take a long break from looking. It’s not that fun a game anymore.

    But, the “My Me Too” post was one of the pages that was attempted (and doesn’t currently exist) two days ago, and seeing that prompted me to remember that it wasn’t here, and yes, I do actually have a copy of that post, and I think that’s the next up for re-publication.

    I don’t know what’s up with my analytics; I know my life is not that interesting, my following is tiny, and anyone who might be inclined to haunt my analytics in this way should know me well enough to know that any antagonization will just make me double-down in my talking about the past and the really bizarre things I have experienced in my life.

    And thankfully, before I posted this, I had a long chat with Jared about my history with paranoia and that yes, I really am okay, things really are weird with my analytics, and maybe it’s just time to get back to writing and taking pictures and in general enjoying my life. I really have gotten quite delayed in writing that lightly fictionalized memoir I am writing.

    And in the meantime, my husband is being the safety professional at home that he is in his work life.

  • July 7, 2003

    Date: Mon 7 Jul 2003 10:32:30 -0700 (PDT)
    From: “Caroline Ellison” <cosettecie@yahoo.com>
    Subject: A not-so “Manic Monday”
    To: “Jared Price” <maxtheape@yahoo.com>

    Jared,

    I had a great time during our chat as well; the time really went by too fast! I did have a good visit with my grandparents; though I’ve only lived an hour or so away for most of my life, they love having me ten minutes down the road, and I go several times a week to have dinner with them.

    I look forward to hearing anything you’re willing to share about Jerusalem .I think the most intriguing thing I’ve heard from other people is visiting the Western Wall; the social dynamics of how strict they are about keeping the men and women separate fascinate me. But I’ve only heard the Jewish perspective on that; How does it work with the other faiths?

    My absolute favorite song in the entire world is Josh Groban and Charlotte Church’s version of “The Prayer”… :) Their voices make an incredible combination.

    Well, I’m calling it a short day at work today; during the week I do data entry, and I just can’t stare at the computer screen to edit our database anymore! It’s pretty deserted because lots of people are still on vacation. I love my job and the fact that it’s a flexible schedule, but the downside to that is that sometimes there’s little motivation to make myself stay all day!

    I hope we can chat again soon,

    Caroline
    ____________________________________________________________________

    You know, I abandoned my Yahoo email account probably about 2007, maybe earlier than that. I’ve long wondered what fragments of thoughts might be hanging out in those old archives.

    But I don’t wonder enough to hunt down wherever Yahoo data breaches have ended up to see if anyone was willing to fish around for it for me.

    Not that interesting.

    And anyway, I have a sizable amount of my old emails printed out. For instance, the one quoted above that I sent my now husband.

    But, I figure someone out there has access to my old cosettecie@yahoo.com archives, because someone in China pinged my Google Analytics yesterday with the precise time stamp as if they were trying to access a post like this on my blog.

    So since someone was so interested, or maybe even had read it already: here it is for the rest of the world.

    There’s other interesting tidbits in my Google Analytics; lots of nonsensical links that would naturally take someone to the search field on my 404 page. Which is why my 404 page is now customized with a photo of myself in my ex Chris’s foyer, holding Muffin, the cat that I gave him at some point in probably early 2003 after she nearly destroyed some very sentimental family items and scraped up my face and hands with a scar that I still have on my left hand, in fact.

    And, actually, someone or some bot simultaneously from Coshocton, Ohio, and Lake City, Florida, looked for /7-July-2003/ on my blog earlier today, as well. In fact, the Lake City, Florida visitor remained on my 404 page for three minutes and three seconds.

    So, whoever you are, if you have access to my old cosettecie@yahoo.com archives, good for you. I’m sure there’s a lot of heartache and happiness and just general drama around in those old archives, as that was one of my college emails. I feel really bad for you if you are stuck sorting through that melodrama on behalf of anyone.

    While you’re at it, you might as well hunt down my old Hotmail archives as well, I’m sure caroline_gsu@hotmail.com archives would be a read of melodramatic young adult drama, as well.

  • nothing is in focus right now

    I took this photo with the X-S20. Apparently I am not so good as the selfie culture at making the camera work in focus with the full articulating selfie screen.

    Yeah. Depressed.

    Feeling my age, my ribs are on the move in a twisty way that isn’t fun feeling. Bored, tired of Carrollton.

    Jared tries. He took me out to the Marina again tonight, after taking me on our weekly outing for Burger King ice cream cones.

    Fun fact, at least in Carrollton, GA: You can get two ice cream cones for $2.12. That’s the main eating out we do during the week.

    And all that was well and good. Until I started in on how I hate Carrollton, how I want Jared to find another job so we can move to Atlanta.

    The same old same old.

    And I don’t know why, when I feel rejected, I go on this whole self-implosion thing.

    Something happened last week that made me change some plans in the next couple of weeks. And as it happens, I am going to see my aunt and uncle instead of doing the thing that I was going to do, and I will likely have a far superior time seeing them and being loved on and all that than I would have had doing the other thing, which was probably riskier than I really want to admit it likely was, to begin with.

    And I’m still mad about last December. Mostly because I’m mad at myself for thinking that inviting drama back into my life was a good idea at all.

    I’ve spent the last nine months pretty darn unhappy because of it. And had an arguably necessary-anyway hysterectomy because I got all freaked out about cancer risks because of that encounter.

    I guess in that respect, I should be grateful for last December. It probably wouldn’t have occurred to me to worry about cancer risks if I hadn’t had that encounter last December.

    And mostly I go around mad all the time because it feels, to me, like just about everybody in my life has some sort of purpose, has their shit together, and I’m just sitting at home.

    And I guess it’s accurate to say that some of the people I have in mind do actually have their shit together.

    But none of them are married to Jared Price. I’m the only one who got to do that.

    And probably not many of them are told on a daily basis the things he tells only me.

    It’s about now in the depression cycle that I realize that it’s been about a week since I’ve done a gratitude list.

    The truth is, not much about my life has turned out the way I thought it would, or honestly, the way that I wanted it to.

    And I mostly walk around mad, angry at the world, and despondent because of it.

    And I think back to that 18 year old and I would tell her to ditch all the preconceived notions about how life should go. That it’s all about to change, like, tomorrow.

    But probably, she’d already known that for a good couple of years or so.

    Tomorrow is a new day. I’ll go volunteer in the city with “my ladies,” as Jared calls them.

    And then I’ll go see my aunt and uncle for the weekend, and probably have some yummy Costco mac and cheese, which I haven’t actually had since the last time I saw them, in February.

    And, I do actually realized how privileged it is that I was born into the family that I was born into, and that we can afford to feed ourselves despite the fact that I do not work.

    It does not negate the fact that I feel somehow that I am not living up to my potential, and there have been missed opportunities. And squandered opportunities. And lost time. and lost relationships.

    But tomorrow, I can try again.