• my 40th wedding

    My 40th Wedding — I shot my 40th wedding on Sunday, seven years and six days after my first solo wedding.

    Prior to that first solo wedding, I had shadowed/ second shot precisely one wedding. And at that wedding, I mostly learned exactly what I didn’t want to do/ how I didn’t want to treat my brides and their families.

    Sunday’s wedding was hectic, but very well organized and a morning wedding, just like my own wedding to Jared was. My arrival time was 6:45 am, but the exit ended up being around 1:30 pm and I was free to go.

    Those of you who have known me for any length of time know that I go through phases with shooting weddings and the photography business. I am not shutting down the photography business, but I am re-thinking my relationship to weddings. It might be awfully nice to go out on a high note.

    The dream was only to ever shoot a single wedding, just to say I had done it. But I refused to do it at all without being a legitimate business, with the LLC, and the business license, and the insurance, etc. I knew enough from my legal issues in photography class at Emory Continuing Ed to know better than to do it any other way.

    And here I am, seven years and six days after that first wedding, and that dream of wanting to shoot a single wedding has turned into 40 weddings under my belt. I know to a lot of my photog friends 40 weddings is not a lot at all in that time span, but to this girl it has been plenty.

    My 40th Wedding and a Full Heart

    40 weddings, and I’ve only missed a single kiss and that was because the kiss literally didn’t happen at all. And there have been some really, really fast kisses.

    I’ve only given one refund and that was to someone who really didn’t deserve one, probably the wedding I worked the hardest at, but I was too afraid of a frivolous bad review and figured if they needed the money badly enough to raise complaints that weren’t even really legitimate, then they needed the money more badly than I did. They even got their USB drive of their pictures anyway.

    My 40th Wedding

    I’ve steamed dresses, served as coordinator and photographer, shot weddings as far as over 125 miles away, shot at Big Canoe and Lake Lanier (Lake Lanier was my third wedding!), shot at countless small barn venues. I’ve calmed down brides, I’ve calmed down mother-of-the-brides. Just Sunday I climbed the tiniest but fairly tall metal spiral staircase not meant to be climbed by anybody but maintenance, to get a stained glass window shot of the bride in her dress, and told Shelley as I was climbing down it was definitely something my orthopedic surgeon would have advised against doing. I’ve shlepped it across hot fields in the middle of summer to get between a brides’ getting ready room and a groom’s getting ready room. I’ve shot in the pouring down rain. I’ve driven 3 hours to a wedding, shot a ten-hour wedding day, and then driven the 3 hours home again.

    40 weddings, and my heart is full. Back when I started dreaming of photographing a wedding, I thought I could only be really good at photographing inanimate, sentimental objects around my house, or landscape shots around town. And to think, the dream was only ever to shoot a single wedding just to say I had done it. And here I am, 40 weddings and quite a few five-star reviews later.

  • journals, graduation, and photography

    Porter in his isolette probably around August 30, 2006, in NICU Bay 20 at the University of Iowa Hospital

    Journals, Graduation, and Photography — I’ve been using Bear as my journal software for well over a year now (several years on and off, actually), but this weekend I picked up a hardbound paper journal to write in.

    I’ve noticed that my handwriting has become pretty atrocious. It was particularly bad when I had to write Porter’s senior letter to him in April. I never had just gorgeous handwriting, but it used to be pleasant enough. Now it sort of just looks like messy chicken scratch.

    It’s graduation week! Porter graduates on Friday, unless the weather looks bad and they move graduation to Saturday.

    Porter has an IB stole, a National Honor Society stole, a Spanish National Honor Society cord, a band cord, a dual enrollment cord, and an honor graduate cord. He has so much swag for his cap and gown! I’m so very proud of Porter.

    I keep saying this, and it remains true: I am struggling to establish a blogging routine. I am struggling with my identity as a blogger and photographer, truth be told. When it comes to journals, graduation, and photography, I’ve made a lot of quiet modifications to this site recently, and I’m happy with them, but I’ve struggled with creating more content. I struggle to sit down and write with an audience in mind. If I’m writing to my journal, I can literally write all day long.

    The situation is not helped by the fact that I am taking very few personal photos these days. My days are filled up with exercise, housework, and being a mom-chauffeur. These are not the things that make for much creative photography. Maybe I should bake more, or go for nature walks more, or just go on a random photo walk more. Yes, I know I should do all these things.

    Journals, Graduation, and Photography

    What is happening is an existential mid-life crisis, I know this. I’ve struggled to establish an identity for myself outside my previous professional life, and once I had sort of established myself as a blogger of sorts, I decided to take the plunge into professional photography. Semi-halfway, anyway.

    I am a scattered mess. I know this about myself.

    Jared is encouraging, constantly reassuring me that I am enough just as I am, without a proper job, without any particular aim or theme to my life. I am very lucky to have a husband who loves me as I am, and literally the only thing he wants from me is for me to be happy.

    So what is happening with photography? I am still a photographer. I have two weddings left on the calendar for the year in 2024, and I would happily take on more bookings if they come my way. However, I am equally happy to use my camera and lenses for personal use. It makes little sense to dissolve the photography business proper; my actual only business expenses are not that high all things considered. And I have shut down and re-opened the business enough to know that I will want to re-open again.

    Journals, graduation, and photography– all is well. I just need to keep telling myself this fact.

  • porter is graduating!

    Porter is Graduating — We have a Senior!

    It is hard to believe in some ways that this little 4 lb 7 oz being that we brought home after 30 days in the University of Iowa Hospital NICU is almost ready to graduate from high school, and is well over 6 feet tall at this point.

    Porter is brilliant, and funny, and insightful, and wise beyond his years. I cannot tell you how proud I am to be Porter’s mother. Porter is Graduating!

    Porter plans to go to Georgia State University as a philosophy major. Though the religious studies department is a separate department at this point, religious studies was under the philosophy department in my time at GSU, so that philosophy department is sentimental to me. I took many philosophy classes in my time there as part of my religious major studies. I would never have dreamed that my child would consider my alma mater, much less the department of my major, in younger years.

    Porter will be a better philosopher than I was. He has the brain for it. I muddled through okay, but he will excel if he chooses to stick with philosophy permanently.

    Porter is Graduating — It is somehow fitting that the firstborn of a religious studies major and a philosophy and religion/ elementary education major should choose to major in philosophy. I am thrilled.

  • spring break and reining in

    It’s been some time since I wrote, aiming to adjust that pattern.

    My website remains unchanged, but I’m shifting away from promoting myself solely as a wedding photographer.

    I am, at my core, a photographer, always with a camera nearby.

    I halted all forms of social media advertising in January and won’t be investing in more. I’ll focus on growing my client base naturally.

    There’s a Senior in the House!

    Life has been a whirlwind lately, particularly with a senior in the family! Porter has been accepted into four colleges, waitlisted for two, and after considering his options, he’s decided to attend Georgia State University, my alma mater. I’m incredibly proud of him regardless of his choice.

    Liam has applied to join the IB program at his high school, which is another achievement I’m proud of.

    Oliver’s teacher recently called to commend his excellent behavior throughout the year, aside from occasional chattiness, which is typical of Oliver. I’m proud of his academic achievements as well.

    We had an enjoyable Spring Break, visiting family in Kansas City. Although I didn’t take many photos other than with my phone, the boys had a blast indoor skydiving. Oliver is already eager to try it again, so we might visit the iFly in Atlanta soon.

    I’m striving to strike a balance between respecting the privacy of my older children and sharing family updates.

    Spring Break and Reining In

    Writing has become a struggle for me lately. This post may seem self-indulgent, as much of my writing tends to be.

    It’s not that my life has become less interesting; for some reason, I’ve grown more guarded as I’ve gotten older.

    February was challenging, but March was better, and now I’m gradually settling into a daily routine after a couple of turbulent years.

    Two Years of Depression

    I’ve been emerging from a dark period of depression over the past two years, gradually reclaiming fragments of myself.

    Two years ago, we spent the last of our proceeds from selling our previous home on repairs to our current one, including the chimney. I also tried my hand at a traveling daycare photography job, which was physically demanding and not a good fit for me. Despite the challenges, I enjoyed traveling solo during that time, visiting places like Idaho, Utah, Oregon, and Florida.

    My visit to Florida, particularly Tampa, likely contributed to my depression. It was only my second visit to Tampa, unrelated to seeing someone from my past.

    Spring Break and Reining In

    Despite the challenges, there’s been significant personal growth, and many positive changes have occurred. Our marriage is stronger, and my photography skills have improved. We’ve also found a church community we love.

    I continue to photograph weddings on a part-time basis and accept other sessions by request. While I experimented with newborn photography, I realized it’s not my forte.

    Oliver Turned Ten!

    The week leading up to Oliver’s birthday was particularly enjoyable. According to Jared, it was because I reclaimed some control over my life. I established a cleaning routine, and our home remained tidy all week. Additionally, I had the opportunity to take photos at my friend Johnny’s studio; one of the pictures in this post is from that visit. Johnny played a significant role in my photography journey, and his business, Rough Cut Designs, produces exceptional work.

    I’m feeling a strong urge to streamline various aspects of my life, including my photography. Although I’ve found a camera setup I love, I struggle with the temptation to downsize. The need for two cameras for weddings prevents me from selling any gear.

    However, I’m uncertain about expanding our garage into a photography studio. My desire for it has waned, but my love for wedding photography remains strong. I am still in love with poring over Haley and Larry’s wedding photos!

    I yearn for opportunities to photograph flowers in our yard or to purchase flowers specifically for photography. I crave routine and simply holding my camera at times.

    Oliver’s tenth birthday weekend was enjoyable but challenging due to the abundance of junk food. Despite sending some food home with his friends after the party, there were leftovers. Fortunately, the boys consumed most of the cookies during our Kansas City trip, leaving none to bring back home. Spring break and the process of reining in various aspects of my life continue to be a journey.